It may have been a while since our Miss Independent strolled down Lovers Lane, hand in hand with a dashing young piece of arm candy, but she still remembers the tummy flutters and times of smug bliss that being in a relationship can bring. But our single lady also knows how quickly the goo-goo-gah-gah’s turn in to grrr-grrr-raaah-raaah’s, and suddenly everything that annoyed you about your one and only is let off like a firework. Here she looks at how, just like Rihanna; a good thang can go bad. (If only dying your hair red and grinding in tight shorts was a suitable option for everyone…)
For weeks now I have been fascinated by one ‘celebrity’ relationship, and that is the spectacle of Jodie Marsh and Kirk Norcross. Flame haired she-warrior Jodie has always been known for her outrageous stunts; including marrying Jordan’s ex on her MTV show ‘Who’ll Take Her Up The Aisle’ (Insert smutty joke here.) But for once I actually believed she had found a man who was, erm, man enough to take on her larger than life assets and lifestyle. But just over a month after their ‘showmance’ began, Jirk are no more, with rumours of Jodie’s no sex rule be-cumming too much for Kirky to take. The former TOWIE lad said “I felt like I was 13 again, going round to a girls house and kissing on the sofa, she just kept saying she wouldn’t have sex with me.’
So with his balls ready to burst, and Jodie only interested in getting a pump on at the gym, Kirk called time on their relationship and wasted no time in letting rip at the ripped Essex lass. Branding her a ‘fame obsessed liar” and claiming “I realised I only wanted to have sex with the old Jodie Marsh; the one I had posters of on my wall.” Kirk wasn’t afraid of kicking Jodie when she was down, but aren’t we all guilty of unleashing our inner bitter beast when a relationship hits the skids? I for one am 1 million percent guilty of that charge, and I come out swinging quicker than Mohammed Ali when my relationship world of rainbows and Sugarpuffs, descends into grey skies and piss ridden puddles.
One minute you are laying on his chest, slowly drifting off to sleep at the sound of each manly breathe; the next minute you want to lay him out on the floor and insult his love of One Direction-eqsue trousers. The things you adore about your ‘Boo’ during the blissful times are heightened by the chemical rushes you experience; so that aftershave he wore when you romantically watched ‘Paranormal Activity’ in the dark, will bring back all sorts of feelings. But when faced with the same smell after a hideous break up, it will invoke small rises of rage and possibly the vomiting up of the world’s largest dictionary of insults. I clearly remember having an exes t-shirt, and feeling like a safe child when sleeping in it, but come the day he decided it wasn’t him it was me; I cut that mother into tiny pieces and threw them in the air as if I were holding a million pounds.
If we are honest with ourselves, especially as women, we know that getting angry is a huge part of being bothered about losing something which meant so much to you; in Kirk’s case I just think he was upset about not adding another notch to the Norcross bedpost, as if he had actually cared then getting his leg over would have been the icing on a pretty amazing cake. He could still have sex with the poster of Jodie if he liked, I mean cutting a hole in to a wall isn’t that hard right Kirky?
The old saying goes, we need to get bitter before we can get better, so if letting off a little steam after a breakup helps to heal your once loved filled heart then go ahead and fill your boots; just think of it as giving your vocal chords a hefty workout. My advice as a long term resident of Single Town would be to remain calm under the pressure of a break up, by turning your bitterness into banter and not allowing yourself to ‘pull a Norcross’ by dragging out a public slanging match for longer than I’ve been single.