Exceptional Exes

4 Nov

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There are some things in life we all have; hopes, dreams, at least one season of The OC on DVD, an annoying bit of hair that roams free from all the others, and of course those dreaded exes. But what happens to those people who you once laughed with, cried over and possibly threw up on? Can they ever truly play a leading role in your life after fluffing their lines oh so many moons ago?

Miss Independent says…          Who’d have thought that me and Katy Perry would have something in common; no, not an amazingly pert rack and love of all things candy, but turning the grand old age of 28 recently. (pulls out grey hair with tweezers) Now while I enjoyed a comedy t-shirt and delicious cookie cake from my older brother, Katy reportedly received a gold bracelet and a meditation cushion from her big bouffanted estranged hubby Russell Brand.

Guys have only ever given me jewellery during a serious romance; by serious I mean the sex dies off and you begin to wonder why this person is constantly wanting to hang around with you, but it was still a nice gesture non the less. But for an ex to buy you such lovely gifts says one of two things; they either genuinely care for you that much as a person, or they are quite possibly see you as the one that got away.

Katy and Russell experienced a relationship more intense than five goes on the Oblivion after a Starbucks espresso, resulting in a quick divorce and pictures of Russell roaming LA with a bevy of pretty ladies, while dressed as the Dhali Jesus. But his gold token of friendship surely shows that the California girl is still a huge firework in his life, even though the teenage dream is over. (too much? Ah just go with it)

All this present giving and treating your former lover in a nice manner got me a thinking about my exes, and the stark reality is that only one would be an important part of my life if I chose to let him. I’m no Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian; you won’t catch me dating a different dude each day, month or year, and I have only experienced 2 long term relationships, one near miss and 10-12 in-between time fillers for those cold Winter nights. So classing any of these geezers as an exceptional ex would be difficult, no matter how much bling he bought me.

It always fascinates me how one minute you are closer than Bear Grylls’ to a snakes fangs, and the next you have ‘Somebody that I used to know’ as the soundtrack to your life. I mean would you just go cold turkey on a mate and stop texting them if they started to annoy you? Well unless they left some Weetabix to congeal in a bowl overnight then the answer would be no, so to blankety blank someone who has seen you in the all together is a situation that always amazes me. But the defining factor there is S.E.X; if you aren’t bouncing around on his Johnson anymore, then why would he care if you are feeling a little low today?

A good man is like gold dust, but a good ex can only be compared to locating Creme Eggs in the middle of December; impossible, unrealistic and a huge let down. My message to Ms Perry? I say embrace it with those double D’s, but be prepared for a Hot then Cold relationship.

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