Textual Un-healing: ‘UR DMPD’

19 Jun

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Katy Perry has a body most women can only dream of and a vibrant attitude to life we all wish would greet us on a Monday morning. And many men would enjoy having a play with her whipped cream cans, so it’s pretty refreshing to know that the California Gurl shares something pretty close to our Ditched’s less-than-double-D chest:being dumped by text. Totally not LOL…

My ex was a douche. So him pulling the plug on our short but sweet dalliance via the medium of text shouldn’t have surprised me really, but boy oh boy OH BOY was I wrong. I’m a savvy young woman, so I knew things were less than blissful, but just like the first tinglings of thrush, I chose to ignore it until it got horrific.

But rather than shoving a pessery up my soon-to-be ex fellas nose, I carried on my merry little dance of denial until he crashed my inbox with heartbreak and deleted himself out of my contacts.

Katy Perry admitted recently that Russell Brand asked for a divorce in a text message (ok KT yours is ten times worse than mine) but does this highlight how the digital age has given guys an even easier get out route. It wasn’t so long ago that we all had to make the move to digital TV’s; have men received a similar nudge in terms of textual dumping?

Breaking up will always be a bitch, but you would kick up a fuss if the same un-courtesy was shown when finding out you didn’t get the job, or that you actually did have that icky STD ( ok ok you can find out about your sexual health via text…. Not that I’d know…ahem)
The whole thing just screams ‘I can’t be bothered’ or ‘it will be far too awkward for me in person’

Great: not only do I have raging PMS, period pains that resemble labour, a rib that dislocates randomly and an acute addition to wearing lipgloss, but now I have to worry about a relationship ending via the beepity beep beep of my mobile telephone.

For months I kept that little text message and gave the guys from CSI New York a run for their money, as I tried to piece together just why it happened; the answer- he was an emotional simpleton who got bored pretty easily. But what should you do if it ever happens to you?

1. Do NOT reply: no matter how tempting, if he has shown you a lack of respect than don’t bother to waste your text allowance on that jerk, plus it will drive him mad!
2. Delete his digits: and that text, if he’s moving on then so should you.
3. Ask yourself ‘what would Katy do?: write a kick ass tune, rock a blue hair do and be insanely positive.

Lts of Luv Ditched

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