Diary of a weak woman

27 Aug

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Addiction: The fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing or activity

Rolos from the fridge , wearing high heels at work, buying the same dress in ten different colours, The OC and letting go of men who treat my emotions like a piss sodden urinal; Ditched has many addictions, however the last one isn’t that fun to live with…

Last week I was curling my lions mane when my clumsy hand slipped, resulting in four swear words and one hell of a burnt finger. After a few fridge Rolos (seriously you have to try them-forget YOLO, it’s all about the Rolo) I continued my curling mission, while fully aware that a burnt finger, ear or face could be heading my way. This renegade attitude to life, and purely living on the edge is fine in some instances, but not when it comes to keeping guys in my life who leave my self esteem flatter than my Justin Bieber-esque chest.

I love male attention. Not in a stripper- hey baby let me shake my thang kind of way, but being around guys and having a nice laugh gives me a boost that being with my girls just doesn’t create. I also l.o.v.e to see the good in people, even if those people have lied to me, hurt me and acted like a total cock sap. But why oh why OH WHY do I do it to myself, and why do many other amazing women?

Recently a dude I really liked asked me out and made my heart all of a flutter, only to drop the G-bomb; that being he had a girlfriend all along. So what did I do? Yes I went mental and called him a quiff ponce, but after the anger had died down I STILL wanted his attention and even to this day part of me still does. I’ve tried flirting with other men: fail, and even joined a dating site: an even bigger fail.

The same formula could be applied to my previous relationship, with him ending it by text and that being like some sort of catnip to me: one things for sure, I’m definitely a pussy when it comes to telling bad men to do one. Maybe it stems from wanting to change someone: some women want to be the one who changes a man for the better- imagine Harry Styles settling down with you and giving up his cougar ways and you’re half way there.

But just how do I curb my bad addiction? Do I stay away from men until my own self worth is higher? Do I try dating a lady to see what all the fuss is about? Or do I just ignore my urges to contact men who have wronged me and hope it fizzles out like a cheap firework display?

Answers on a postcard PLEASE!

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