Single on Valentine’s Day – how to be your very own one and only

There’s something in the air around this time of year which leaves couples upping their asshole-ness and going all ‘pooki-wooki, oh I wuv you snuggle bear” right up in my grill. Now I’m all for a bit of romance, but for a single gal like myself the big V Day can be a slightly depressing affair; imagine Christmas with no Top of the Pops and you’re pretty much there. But this year I refuse to mope or throw darts at pictures of my douche bag exes, hell NO! This year I am going to treat myself like the queen bee that I am, and do everything that a man would do for me on Valentine’s Day, and yes – I mean everything….

Morning: breakfast in bed
When you are with someone you are forced to share pretty much everything; the same bed, the duvet (don’t even get me started…), a group of friends and more annoyingly: FOOD. I’ll leave my good Friend to say…

So this Valentine’s Day I’ll be making some lovely poached eggs, salmon and toast, complete with an amazing Nespresso coffee, and I’ll have to share it with no mother fucker. They’ll be crumbs everywhere and maybe some yolk on my pillow case for when I get home. blissful…

Drives you to work
Aww, ain’t it fab when the man acts like Lewis Hamilton and drives you to work; what a gent he is, what a swell guy. Actually no, because he drives like an ass, gets angry at people on the curb who are just living life, and listens to terrible music for the whole commute. Give me my sweet ass Ford KA, my Ministry of Sound playlist and the ability to shield myself from any potential male road rage. Plus, I just flutter my eyelashes and pull a sad face so that people let me out of side roads; being with your man would make that a huge FAIL. The only reason I would want to take a ride with a guy is if it ended something like this….

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Mid afternoon: the arrival of flowers or 5 foot bears
A few girls in my office have received flowers, and I’m not going to bullshit here as it does make me feel slightly jealous; ok mega jealous and sometimes I want to bash them over the head in a rage (sorry ladies, love you really!) so why not do a good deed and send some to one of your best friends, especially if they are single. As Valentine’s Day doesn’t just have to focus around the person you give your love hormone to.

Evening: The romantic meal
Single On Valentine’s Day; sounds like a slasher movie doesn’t it? And it conjures up such negative images of women crying, eating Ben and Jerry’s, then going and crying in the shower fully clothed. So as millions of couples light the candles and tuck into a lovely meal, why shouldn’t you do the same with your girlfriends? See it as a day to celebrate love, friendship and being a group of hot bitches.

The no pants dance/ horizontal jogging/ getting your leg over
For me the most frustrating thing about being single on Valentine’s Day is the sex, as it’s a time to let loose and make time for some fifty shades kind of action. This is pretty hard to do when you are flying solo, but not impossible, and indulging in some lady loving could be the perfect end to your solo V-Day. I was recently sent some ‘sensual pleasure gels’ from the lovely folk at Durex, which feature two stimulating lubes that ‘cum’ together for an amazing reaction. Now, I have yet to try them with a man (form an orderly queue gents) but the mixture of the warm gel and the tingly one does leave you feeling more than satisfied, plus if you are getting jiggy with yourself then it’s guaranteed to end in fireworks as you are in total control all. night. long…

Durex are holding a special launch event to celebrate: Simply visit the South Bank on Thursday, February 13, to witness ‘The Embrace’ – an incredible light and dance spectacular brought to you by Durex Embrace.
Tweet #DurexEmbrace for the opportunity to see your Valentine message displayed for the world to see. Come down between 6pm and 8:30pm and also get the chance to WIN:

o 3 x luxury weekend breaks
o 6 x Intimate dinners for two at top restaurants
o 9 x Romantic stays at boutique hotels
o 6 x Sets of designer underwear
o Plus lots of fun freebies

The Dark Side of Love…

Here at Hitched & Ditched we like to look at the lighter side of love, or make light of the idiotic stuff that some men do. We love a good pun and witty comment too, but sometimes it’s important to take a look at issues that bring out strong emotions. Today we read that popstar Katy Perry considered taking her own life after divorcing Russell Brand and it touched something in us…

Most women in their lifetime will encounter love – whether that’s with friends, family or falling head over heels for ten Mr wrongs, until one day you wear the right pair of heels and stay up for Mr Right. The L-drug is stronger than Hitched’s morning coffee, and can make you do, say and feel crazy and intense things; which is why it’s no surprise that should your relationship sail off course, feelings of deep sorrow, loneliness and a crisis of self confidence can leave you floundering.

Katy & Russell experienced a whirlwind romance- something our Ditched has always dreamed off, and with these roller coaster hook ups come extreme highs and truly devastating lows. As with any break up, especially when a marriage is involved, you are left questioning everything about life and what’s next for you; and while celebrity may offer disposable income to buy new cars, clothes and arm candy, it doesn’t mean the pain of someone rejecting you is any easier.

I asked myself- “Do I want to endure? Should I continue living?

Ditched says:
“My hardest break up came from a really short romance, and actually hurt more than my previous 2 year relationship- he excited me from the get go and the build up to us getting together was just the right balance of causal teasing and actual feelings. His texts excited me, the idea of seeing him for an evening of X Factor and our own X rated action thrilled me- I was slowly falling but he just wasn’t ready for the laughs and laid back evenings to become anything more than that, so he ended it by text message as I was on my way to meet my brother for lunch- what followed was me sobbing in the loos of Revolution like a child who couldn’t breathe after a tantrum.”

“I felt alone- I’d wake up and for the tiniest piece of a split second I felt normal, then my brain had its shot of espresso and informed my stomach to flip and my tear ducts to fill up again. Looking in the mirror I felt grim, pale and like my mojo had gone- and all because of a somewhat lanky man with questionable dress sense. Although I felt alone and had my bad days, I never questioned my place on this earth, so for Katy to have these thoughts running through her mind must have meant she was pretty much a broken woman.”

Depression and anxiety are two things very close to Hitched & Ditched’s heart, and something as traumatic as a big break up can bring out feelings, thoughts and emotions that you never knew existed. But if you do find yourself at a very low ebb; one where ice cream and your favourite film just won’t do, then it’s very important- no VITAL, that you talk to someone about just how much it is effecting you- if you struggle with this then writing it down may also be a huge help too.

We at Hitched & Ditched are very happy that Katy has Roared back to her best and cannot wait to hear more from the California Gurl.

Daddy’s Girl

The old saying goes that a woman will look for qualities her Dad possesses when it comes to bagging a man. Here Ditched delves into her relationship vault to see if this really rings true…

Dad, Daddy, Poppa, Father, old man- whatever you call ‘he who helped create you’, do we women really go after men who resemble our Mum’s horizontal jogging partner?
My late Father (I’ll posh it up and call him that for this piece) was cheeky, a charmer, lad about town, in and out of a youth offenders unit, rebellious, outspoken, confident and couldn’t be tied down to anyone or anything. But to those close to him he was a big softie, a true romantic, and a man who struggled to show his true emotions in the right way.

So are the blokes on my dating record guilty of showing the above attributes and personality traits? Well after a close inspection the answer is a big fat yes; pretty much all of my rendezvous have been with men who kind of want to be with me, show my lots of attention at first, but never really want to be in an actual loving relationship; unless it’s with the pub and a pint.

My link to Dads and dating goes all the way back to my ultimate 90’s crush: East 17’s Brian Harvey. He was a small, bald, cheeky, loud mouthed rebel who did things on his terms, and I couldn’t get enough of his bad boy antics (Take That who??)

But do I and other lady folk consciously choose to date Daddy style? Personally if I knew a man was so hard to pin down and wasn’t going to reply to my texts, I wouldn’t want the hassle or heartache. But clearly on some sort of unaware level, I get a thrill out of not knowing how someone feels or how they will treat me; talk about a sucker for punishment! Recently I found out that a guy I liked, and who I thought liked me too, has a girlfriend, which is a massive no no for me, but I still found myself feeling more attracted and wanting him that little bit more.

I never had a close relationship with my Dad, which now causes me to seek approval from guys that I date (hello therapy session!) but I also recognise that passion, excitement and a ‘on your toes’ love life is better suited to me than knowing where I stand.

All I know is that relationships can definitely be a family affair…

Go With The Flow

Fabulous outfit: check. Big back combed hair: check. False lashes: check. Too much make up: check. These essential items were always on Miss Independent’s list when heading out in the hope of meeting Mr Right. But now she’s decided to do some ditching of her own and just be herself when it comes to falling in love…

As the love crusader herself, Carrie Bradshaw, once said “Maybe it’s time to be clear about who I am. I am someone who is looking for love, real love, ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t live without each other love.’
While I fail to have C-Bradders walk in wardrobe, I do share her passion for love walking into my life when I least expect it, but for years I have gone about my search in completely the wrong way and have ended up blinded by my own false lashes.

People always say you should stick to what you know; that being me falling head over heels for my first boyfriend when I was just 16, back when I had bushy eyebrows, no style and a serious afro going on due to the non invention of GHD’s. But this gorgeous soul saw past what I thought was the most important element to a relationship, and he fell for me just as hard. We didn’t last more than 2 years, but what followed was me morphing in to someone from TOWIE, who thought that the more I portrayed myself as a Barbie doll who also had to hide how she really felt about someone she actually liked, would result in finding the most passionate of love affairs.

If we all look back at past relationships, we can see that we weren’t as happy as we probably first imagined, and lately I have been taking great comfort in that and seeing the end of the passion as a huge sign telling me that this guy just isn’t the one for me. If I am guilty of one thing when it comes to relationships, it would be getting carried away and assuming certain things are going to happen; resulting in my own upset when life goes with its own flow and things just work out the way they are supposed to.

Gone are the days where I beat myself up for telling a guy I want him as my boyfriend, when he fought to be with me, only for him to have a shit fit and freak out over that one word. Gone are the days I cry tears over a guy who was super sweet to my face, but decided to bad mouth me and paint me as a lady of the night to his friends, and gone are the days of pining after someone who only ever wants you on their terms, and only ever for sexual reasons. At 27 I am no longer ashamed to say I am looking for a passionate, fun and meaningful relationship; does that mean I am wanting to get married and settle down with 4 kids? No. It simply means I refuse to settle for anything less than intense, and the more inconvenient the better.

This new found attitude was born in Ibiza of all places; while many would be banging left right and centre while chewing their own faces off from a night full of pills, I found myself having an actual dream come true, and what followed was something even Ms Bradshaw couldn’t conjure up. There I was, dancing like a loon with my hair looking like slick Rick, when a cute guy comes over to me and says “where you guys from?” and when I bounced the question back to him he says “Australia.” Now, only days before, my friend Rachel had asked what my dream guy would be like on The White Isle, and I had said an Aussie. So while I raised my hands to the heavens to enjoy the dance tunes, I quietly said thank you and had a permanent smile plastered across my face.

What followed was a night of dancing, drinking, snogging and… Well you know the rest. But what followed after we parted was non stop texting, and him coming to see me for the weekend as part of his European travels.

This guy has changed the way I see myself and the way I look at love in general, as he liked what he saw when I was 100% just being myself; gone are the days of wearing bodycon dresses and dancing like a Pussycat Doll to get his attention. I am hopeful we keep in touch, but I am also in the mind set now that if things are meant to be with anyone then they will just flow naturally.

So to all those single girls out there who copy a glamour girls style in order to bag that dream man; I’ve been there, done that, but would much rather meet Mr Right while slobbing around in my favourite t-shirt.

A Bad Case of The Singles

If I had a penny for every time someone gave me that look when I said I was without a bloke, I would be able to buy 2 and a half Freddo bars. But what exactly is it about those people who are coupled off which makes them look at you like an alien? Here our Miss Independent delves into the depths of deepest singledom to shed some light on this new found disease known as ‘The Singles’

I remember it clear as day, word for word; the time I fled to a sunnier climate with my cousin and had my first encounter of being diagnosed with ‘The Singles.’ My cousin has been with her fella ever since Paris Hilton learnt the art of serial dating, so it was only right that we happened to meet 2 couples when abroad who had also been together longer than time itself. While I was trying to get my sunbathe on, I was constantly surrounded by conversations themed on ‘things that your other half does’ and ‘ohh yes we will probably have a house or bambino by then.’

It wasn’t until I coughed and they realised I was actually still there, that one half of smug couple numero one asked whether I had a boyfriend, to which I replied ‘no not at the moment’, and that caused the sympathetic tilt of the head along with ‘aww don’t worry, you’ll find someone soon.’ Well at 23 years old, I certainly didn’t have images of my growing old with a beard and 20 cats, so worrying was the last thing on my mind after a previous relationship lasting 2 years.

So just how long has this been going on, and is being single really something people should fear in a time where women are choosing careers over caring boyfriends? I believe that having The Singles is something you either embrace or eternally fear; I say enjoy the extra space in your double bed, not having to shave your legs for 6 weeks (yes I do that sometimes, and what?) and just simply taking care of yourself while the right person skips along beside you without you blinking an eye.

I feel that asking someone if they are in a relationship falls under the bracket of ‘things you ask people you have only just met’, along with ‘what do you do for a living?’ and ‘where are you from?’ But I would never tilt my head and go ‘aww’ if someone told me that they were unemployed or worked in a factory putting lids on toothpaste tubes then condesend them by saying ‘don’t worry, you’ll find a job soon!’, so why do people feel the need to cast me out like a lepar when I reveal that I am without a spooning partner and do not receive a regular forking?

If I look back to previous dating experiences, I should have been locked up for crimes against commitment, as I was eternally looking for that Mr Right, when many guys were just Mr Right-now-I-Just-Want-To-See-Your-Boobies. So I am previously guilty of placing my own fear about catching ‘The Singles’, when in theory I was looking in all the wrong places for a so called cure.

I believe people project their fear of being single on to other people, such as myself, and when they are so happily loved up in a relationship they forget what being single was like and relate it to a time where life sucked, and everything wasn’t one big fluffy marshmallow. But my theory as a long term member of the ‘Single Ladies Society’ (holla), is that the most important relationship you will ever have in life is with yourself, and if you are not a member of team you then how can you expect blokes to get off the bench and join in the game?

I can happily scream at the top of my lungs- My name is Miss Independent and I proudly suffer from ‘The Singles’, so to all of you who are wondering how I cope without any man veg to grope or stubble to rub up against, I say “just fine thanks” as I know when the time is right someone will put a ring on it; so for now I have no cause to say ‘Uh Oh Oh.’