Tag Archives: ditched

Five ways to get over that douche

22 Jul

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Recently Ditched was let down again by a man, which left her feeling insecure, hurt and rejected, and had Hitched running out of love advice. We have had enough of pretty, strong and amazing women being made to feel like dirt just because guys can only think with their dangly bits. So girls, take these five Fab tips and trust us when we say you CAN get over that weasel.

1. Do a Ross Geller
No, not sleep with someone else during a break, but make a list of his pros and cons. Sure he may have that cheeky glint in his eye, a pretty awesome sense of humour and look orgasmic in a fitted t-shirt, but don’t let your sexual desire drive your want for him. Think about his morals, the nice things he does for others and his general attitude towards life- having a big schlong and calling you ‘babe’ doesn’t make him a boy you can bring home to Momma.

2.Listen to your gut
We’ve all been there; enjoying a delish meal when the dance of diarrhoea begins its matinee performance in your gut. Now, do you sprint to the loo or ride it out and end up in the shit (literally). Take this disgusting advice and apply it to him- deep down you know he is a wrong un’, so cut your losses and avoid a hot damn mess.

3. Don’t waste the pretty
If a bellend let’s you down its very tempting to get dolled up and hit the town to attract another. But instead of roaming your local bars, bus stops and Burger King looking for Tom, Dick and Harry, why not save your heels and snuggle up on the sofa with Ben & Jerry instead. They’ll be plenty of chances to shake it like a Polaroid picture and meet your future Fosling (fake Gosling), when you are back to your best.

4. See who he follows
We don’t mean deer stalking the sad sap, but more like logging on to Twitter and seeing who he virtually has love for. If ‘We adore boobs’ or ‘smokin hot babes’ is on that list then you have escaped a grade A perve, and you can thank your lucky stars that he didn’t snap you and tweet in a picture of your amazing lady cannons.

5. Do the maths
You and him don’t add up, but what’s vital to remember is he is one OF a million, not one IN a million. Chances are you’ll cry, be hurt and feel rejected by another man in your life, but knowing that its all simply a law of averages means you can throw that calculator away and subtract another tool from your fabulous life.

Go get em gorgeous!

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Ditched’s Official Relationship Top 3

16 Jul

You’re listening to Singleton FM- Where being lonely is always top of our playlist. Today we are joined by dumpsville’s NO1 resident and hopeless romantic- Ditched aka Miss Independent. 

Like many women, she searches for a deeper meaning in song lyrics (the past month has been dedicated to Robin Thicke and his damn Blurred Lines…) and here she runs through her top three tracks which symbolise the relationship she is yet to find…

 

KATY PERRY- TEENAGE DREAM you think i’m pretty, without any make up on”

This brings back memories of my first love- all butterflies, tongue sandwiches, and talks of ‘we are NEVER breaking up’ IDST. Plus, isn’t it every girls life long dream to be attractive to a bloke, without half  a Benefit counter on her face? This tune reflects the carefree and passionate relationship that I am yet to experience…

 

KINGS OF LEON- SEX ON FIRE “hot as a fever, rattling bones, I could just taste it, taste it”

Woah momma, someone crack open a window as it’s getting hot in herrrrre! The pure animal lust and attraction featured in this song symbolises the deep and intense S.E.X (ohhh naughty) that I need to keep a relationship alive. (Nelly Furtado’s ‘Maneater’ was a close second in my song choice…)

 

P!NK- TRUE LOVE “At the same time, I wanna hug you, I wanna wrap my hands around your neck, you’re an asshole, but I love you”

They say there’s a fine line between love and hate, and P!nk is a woman after my own romantic heart. But I truly believe that realising that your Mr Perfect is actually a Mr ‘sometimes a dick’ is the best thing for any relationship. Fuck the fairytale and roll with life’s punches- after all, changing the frequency on your relationship station can be a fabulous thing.

 

Don’t forget to vote for us in the Cosmo Blog Awards 2013 as the best sex & relationship blog!

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Textual Un-healing: ‘UR DMPD’

19 Jun

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Katy Perry has a body most women can only dream of and a vibrant attitude to life we all wish would greet us on a Monday morning. And many men would enjoy having a play with her whipped cream cans, so it’s pretty refreshing to know that the California Gurl shares something pretty close to our Ditched’s less-than-double-D chest:being dumped by text. Totally not LOL…

My ex was a douche. So him pulling the plug on our short but sweet dalliance via the medium of text shouldn’t have surprised me really, but boy oh boy OH BOY was I wrong. I’m a savvy young woman, so I knew things were less than blissful, but just like the first tinglings of thrush, I chose to ignore it until it got horrific.

But rather than shoving a pessery up my soon-to-be ex fellas nose, I carried on my merry little dance of denial until he crashed my inbox with heartbreak and deleted himself out of my contacts.

Katy Perry admitted recently that Russell Brand asked for a divorce in a text message (ok KT yours is ten times worse than mine) but does this highlight how the digital age has given guys an even easier get out route. It wasn’t so long ago that we all had to make the move to digital TV’s; have men received a similar nudge in terms of textual dumping?

Breaking up will always be a bitch, but you would kick up a fuss if the same un-courtesy was shown when finding out you didn’t get the job, or that you actually did have that icky STD ( ok ok you can find out about your sexual health via text…. Not that I’d know…ahem)
The whole thing just screams ‘I can’t be bothered’ or ‘it will be far too awkward for me in person’

Great: not only do I have raging PMS, period pains that resemble labour, a rib that dislocates randomly and an acute addition to wearing lipgloss, but now I have to worry about a relationship ending via the beepity beep beep of my mobile telephone.

For months I kept that little text message and gave the guys from CSI New York a run for their money, as I tried to piece together just why it happened; the answer- he was an emotional simpleton who got bored pretty easily. But what should you do if it ever happens to you?

1. Do NOT reply: no matter how tempting, if he has shown you a lack of respect than don’t bother to waste your text allowance on that jerk, plus it will drive him mad!
2. Delete his digits: and that text, if he’s moving on then so should you.
3. Ask yourself ‘what would Katy do?: write a kick ass tune, rock a blue hair do and be insanely positive.

Lts of Luv Ditched

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Hitched & Ditched hit the airwaves!

5 May

A while back our very own Ditched, aka Miss Independent, appeared on student radio show Exposure FM, to give her advice on all things relationship. Have a listen below and let us know what you think!

Listen here

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Hitched & Ditched join Instagram (finally!)

20 Apr

Hitched and Ditched have finally taken the plunge and joined the fabulous world of Instagram. Now we may not have a bizillion followers like Rihanna (although our Ditched is willing to pose semi nude to make this happen…) we will be uploading our fave images to the account for you lovely, lovely folk to enjoy.

Follow us at #hitchednditched

Thanks for your continued support!

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WIN! A fabulous beauty goody bag

7 Jan

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If you’re anything like us, your faces are arid from the harsh cold, you struggle to rise from your pit as 7am still resembles 3am, and the last time you truly pampered yourself was back in 2012; yikes. But never fear ladies, as we have conjured together a fabulous goody bag full of lush products to leave you feeling hotter than that Joey Branning bloke from Eastenders on a Summer’s day.

But what can I win? We hear you cry….

The Hitched & Ditched winter damage control kit includes *drum roll please*

2 Miners cheek tints
Kitoko hair cleanser and balm sachet
Spa Strength Within Beauty Supplements
Squeezed Lemon Face Mask
Philip Kingsley Elasticizer hair treatment
Kiehl’s Ultra Facial Moisturiser
Right Guard Xtreme Dry deo
No More White Bits self tan mousse
Dead Sea Spa salt brushing sachet
Soap and Glory hand food cream
Susan Posnick mineral foundation
Boots Almond Body Butter
Victoria Beckham body lotion
Lily Lolo south beach bronzer
Miners plum lipstick
Mini Benefit eye potion
Nazila Love Glamour luxurious lashes
St Tropez everyday dark moisturiser
Anatomicals eye mask
Refreshers lip balm

WOW! So how do you win these beauty-luscious things? Simply drop us a line with the subject ‘Beauty Bag’ telling us why you deserve it, along with your contact details, to editor@hitchedandditched.co.uk

Good Luck ladies!

one entry per person. Competition ends Sunday 13th January

Ditched dishes the dirt

19 Aug

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Since we started this blog, many people have given our Miss Independent a sympathetic ‘aww’ when hearing that she is always being ditched by dreaded men folk. But just exactly why do seemingly normal and appealing girls get left on the shelf, or even worse at the side of the road after being flung off the Relation Ship without a life jacket? Here our very own ‘Ditched’ gives the inside scoop in to life as a single twenty something woman; be warned, she is very honest.

When I was 16 I lived in a fairyland world; one where Princes rescued Princesses, and sexting was only available to those who didn’t own a Nokia 5110. I was, and still am, a dreamer and a sucker for romance, but 11 years on I now look at the world of love without the help of any rose tinted spectacles.

When I was 16 most of my friends had already done the deed with a cool kid at school; you know the type who now works at Poundland and has 3 children, but I always wanted to wait for that one special person to give my feminine essence to. Not only did I wait for the right person to do the no pants dance with, but he was also my first kiss and under the cover finger fumble. What followed was a two year on off romance, with a small incident of cheating (his lame ass not mine) and a few on again, off again moments; it all came to an end when he decided he needed to find himself, which left me crying into my Carebear pillow and wondering if I would ever love again.

So with my dreams of a fairy tale romance down the crapper, I carried on with my teenage antics, but never actually got with anyone again until I buggered off to University, and even there I refused to act out a scene from Geordie Shore’s night vision cameras. My problem: assuming a relationship from every guy who even brushes past me; granted I am nowhere near as bad as I used to be, but trying to behave like a man and see most things as casual just isn’t my style. So this need and want to be in a relationship with anyone from the bus driver who smiled at me, to the work colleague who jokingly touches my arm during a joke, is obviously enough to leave most men pressing the eject button and watching me crash into the ground.

The guys who I have actually dated steadily and made me think things were more serious than they were are probably the reason I am writing this blog in the first place, and I should send them a basket of fruit or something to say thank you. I am not ashamed to be known as the eternally ditched girl, as someone somewhere is bound to pick me up off the side and take me in.

After years of taking myself, and the dating game way too seriously, I can finally see situations for what they are, and not assume that just because he mentioned going on holiday in the future, doesn’t mean he will. Even if a dreamboat saunters up to me and gives it the big ‘ I’m serious about you, and let’s give this a shot’ speech, then I’m still not 100% sold until I witness and feel some truth in those words.

Am I bitter about love and relationships? Slightly, but aren’t we all? I mean we all have that one person who to this day will make us angry and our heart skip a beat at the same time. But it’s all about accepting who you are as a person, and for me that’s being a little bit too intense when it comes to the hairier sex.