There’s something in the air around this time of year which leaves couples upping their asshole-ness and going all ‘pooki-wooki, oh I wuv you snuggle bear” right up in my grill. Now I’m all for a bit of romance, but for a single gal like myself the big V Day can be a slightly depressing affair; imagine Christmas with no Top of the Pops and you’re pretty much there. But this year I refuse to mope or throw darts at pictures of my douche bag exes, hell NO! This year I am going to treat myself like the queen bee that I am, and do everything that a man would do for me on Valentine’s Day, and yes – I mean everything….
Morning: breakfast in bed
When you are with someone you are forced to share pretty much everything; the same bed, the duvet (don’t even get me started…), a group of friends and more annoyingly: FOOD. I’ll leave my good Friend to say…
So this Valentine’s Day I’ll be making some lovely poached eggs, salmon and toast, complete with an amazing Nespresso coffee, and I’ll have to share it with no mother fucker. They’ll be crumbs everywhere and maybe some yolk on my pillow case for when I get home. blissful…
Drives you to work
Aww, ain’t it fab when the man acts like Lewis Hamilton and drives you to work; what a gent he is, what a swell guy. Actually no, because he drives like an ass, gets angry at people on the curb who are just living life, and listens to terrible music for the whole commute. Give me my sweet ass Ford KA, my Ministry of Sound playlist and the ability to shield myself from any potential male road rage. Plus, I just flutter my eyelashes and pull a sad face so that people let me out of side roads; being with your man would make that a huge FAIL. The only reason I would want to take a ride with a guy is if it ended something like this….
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Mid afternoon: the arrival of flowers or 5 foot bears
A few girls in my office have received flowers, and I’m not going to bullshit here as it does make me feel slightly jealous; ok mega jealous and sometimes I want to bash them over the head in a rage (sorry ladies, love you really!) so why not do a good deed and send some to one of your best friends, especially if they are single. As Valentine’s Day doesn’t just have to focus around the person you give your love hormone to.
Evening: The romantic meal
Single On Valentine’s Day; sounds like a slasher movie doesn’t it? And it conjures up such negative images of women crying, eating Ben and Jerry’s, then going and crying in the shower fully clothed. So as millions of couples light the candles and tuck into a lovely meal, why shouldn’t you do the same with your girlfriends? See it as a day to celebrate love, friendship and being a group of hot bitches.
The no pants dance/ horizontal jogging/ getting your leg over
For me the most frustrating thing about being single on Valentine’s Day is the sex, as it’s a time to let loose and make time for some fifty shades kind of action. This is pretty hard to do when you are flying solo, but not impossible, and indulging in some lady loving could be the perfect end to your solo V-Day. I was recently sent some ‘sensual pleasure gels’ from the lovely folk at Durex, which feature two stimulating lubes that ‘cum’ together for an amazing reaction. Now, I have yet to try them with a man (form an orderly queue gents) but the mixture of the warm gel and the tingly one does leave you feeling more than satisfied, plus if you are getting jiggy with yourself then it’s guaranteed to end in fireworks as you are in total control all. night. long…
Durex are holding a special launch event to celebrate: Simply visit the South Bank on Thursday, February 13, to witness ‘The Embrace’ – an incredible light and dance spectacular brought to you by Durex Embrace.
Tweet #DurexEmbrace for the opportunity to see your Valentine message displayed for the world to see. Come down between 6pm and 8:30pm and also get the chance to WIN:
o 3 x luxury weekend breaks
o 6 x Intimate dinners for two at top restaurants
o 9 x Romantic stays at boutique hotels
o 6 x Sets of designer underwear
o Plus lots of fun freebies
Hitched & Ditched 