Tag Archives: love

Not hooked: Ditched’s Plenty of Fish experience

2 Feb

In November 2013 Ditched took the plunge and went on her very first internet date after years of claiming she never would. Here she reveals what really went down and why she won’t be taking the bait again any time soon…

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For me, the most exciting part of a relationship is the beginning; where it’s the just the right amount of awkward and you both hold back until you either run away or actually make a go of it. A huge part of this experience is the initial meeting – or as I like to call it ‘the conversation starter’, where you actually reveal to the outside world how you both met.

Perhaps I’ve seen one too many Hugh Grant romps, but I’m a sucker for a random encounter – whether that be at an outdoor party in Ibiza, or meeting someone so annoying you want to pass out just to escape, only to be in bed with them a few weeks later and watching back to back episodes of Take Me Out #loveu4eva

So if you take that randomness and face to face meeting away, and replace it with a screen, deceiving pictures and instant messaging, it just isn’t going to feel the same. So, why did I even sign up to a dating site……

I’ve been single for roughly three years now, with the odd fumble, snog and romantic flurry thrown in the mix. Being 29 I don’t go out raving like I used to, plus it’s a known fact that most people don’t meet potential relationships in a booze fuelled environment, so I thought I would get talking to a few fellas and see if there are decent men in the world of virtual dating.

I first signed up in 2012 and arranged to meet a fireman from Birmingham, but I lost my lady balls and understandably he lost interest. But during my textual time with him I did get that little buzz of excitement when he got in touch, so he could have been the one but I was too chicken shit to find out. After that I closed my account and didn’t create a new one until November 2013, as again I had a few near misses with blokes and missed that little bit of attention.

The site I joined was Plenty of Fish, which isn’t the greatest for meeting someone as it’s a free site and you can create a profile in a matter of seconds. I had a fair few men contact me, but many couldn’t hold my interest for more than a few messages back and fourth. Then a few weeks down the line a guy contacted me and the banter was flowing; he seemed different and was 37 so I wasn’t worried about him being a complete immature tool. He asked if I wanted to meet for a drink one evening after work, which made my palms sweaty and my heart sink into my ass- could I really do this? Was I willing to go against everything I believed in and try something new? I said yes, but in the back of my mind I had a sneaky suspicion I was going to cancel that day…

Date day came around and I was nervous as hell; every hour that ticked by at work had me feeling more and more anxious. I had so much going on in my mind; what if he smells? What if he isn’t funny? What if he looks nothing like he does in his pictures? As my working day came to an end, I went to the toilet to get changed and had a huge wave of panic come over me “Oh shit, this is actually happening!! But I managed to calm myself down, glam myself up and steady my nerves for the drive into town.

A huge traffic jam awaited as I pulled out of the car park, and I almost used this as an excuse to bail, but he was willing to wait for me in the bar we had arranged to meet at. FUCK, no turning back now (literally).

I walked nervously and slowly to the bar, and there he was waiting for me. I almost collapsed in his arms as the relief washed over me; come on Kelly, he is just another human, with a beating heart, stubbly face and dangly bits between his legs, what’s the worst that could happen? We got a drink and sat down chatting; did I fancy him? I really couldn’t make up mind! One minute I thought I did, then the next he would say something or laugh a certain way and I found it off putting!

Things were going reasonably well so we headed across the road to another bar, but this is where things went a little down hill….

Throughout the evening he kept doing funny voices and impressions, which was pretty cool for about 15 minutes, but he obviously thought this was working so carried on. But I felt like I was on a date with a cartoon character or The Mask after a while! And I’m all for a bit of Jim Carrey, but threes certainly a time and a place. Then the conversation took a serious turn and he went in to Dad mode by giving me a small lecture; I know you’re 37 dude but back the fuck off!

It all started as we were chatting about exes (first date fail) and I happened to mention that I once dated a barrister and that we were so mismatched that it was never going to go anywhere (erm hello, me skiing? Do one!) so I jokingly said “if you were a posh boy I would have ran a mile!” And clearly I hit some sort of nerve, as he went off on one about how I shouldn’t judge someone as it’s not fair….. O…….K….

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So after that lead balloon had gone down, I just wanted to get the hell out of there, but he wanted to take me for some food and didn’t understand why I wanted to get home. He finally took no for an answer and walked me to my car, and we had a small and awkward embrace before I kicked off my heels, slid on some flats and drove home feeling not much at all.

I sent him a little text to say I had gotten home ok, and he asked if I wanted to meet up again as he said he had a great time. “oh balls, what the f do I do now? I need to be honest! How long do I wait to text?! Argh! This is why I don’t date!”

I waited 10 minutes and quickly typed my response…

I had a nice time but I’m going to be honest, I don’t see this going anywhere as that spark just wasn’t there for me. You’re a nice guy but I don’t want to waste anyone’s time here.

Ok but I really don’t see how you can feel that way after one date. Was it the voices I did, or was it our little debate? That was just banter! Come on, let me take you for dinner at the weekend and I’m sure you will feel differently

I know how I feel and I know what I want, sorry. And yes the voices were a bit too much, and I felt like you had a go at me also. Let’s just leave it and see it as a nice night, you did say there was no pressure here for me to see you again, that’s the whole point of dating.

ok well I hope you find what you are looking for. I don’t understand women sometimes, a guy can try and be nice and they still want a bad boy! Guess it comes down to if you fancy me or not doesn’t it.

Look, I’ve had a nice evening and I’ve been honest with you. I’m not gonna go for dinner with you and waste your time. You’re making me feel bad for no reason, yeah fancying someone does matter but it’s not all about that. And as for bad boys, I’m after a spark, not someone to treat me like dirt.

ok, hope you find what you are looking for. I’m here if you change your mind

thanks but I won’t. Enjoy your weekend

FFS! talk about keen bean! The guy made me feel like I had jilted him at the alter! And yes he was an ok guy, and not a complete munter, but I really disagree about a spark forming further down the line- for me there needs to be that initial something there otherwise it’s pointless; which is why meeting someone in real life, and not behind a screen is the way forward for me in the future.

I’ve recently been dabbling a little on Tinder, and suggested meeting up with someone who seemed pretty amazing, but when we mentioned it he said he didn’t really know what he was looking for…. logs off dating sites and heads out into the real world

Will I find that encounter I am looking for? Watch this space!

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The Dark Side of Love…

30 Sep

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Here at Hitched & Ditched we like to look at the lighter side of love, or make light of the idiotic stuff that some men do. We love a good pun and witty comment too, but sometimes it’s important to take a look at issues that bring out strong emotions. Today we read that popstar Katy Perry considered taking her own life after divorcing Russell Brand and it touched something in us…

Most women in their lifetime will encounter love – whether that’s with friends, family or falling head over heels for ten Mr wrongs, until one day you wear the right pair of heels and stay up for Mr Right. The L-drug is stronger than Hitched’s morning coffee, and can make you do, say and feel crazy and intense things; which is why it’s no surprise that should your relationship sail off course, feelings of deep sorrow, loneliness and a crisis of self confidence can leave you floundering.

Katy & Russell experienced a whirlwind romance- something our Ditched has always dreamed off, and with these roller coaster hook ups come extreme highs and truly devastating lows. As with any break up, especially when a marriage is involved, you are left questioning everything about life and what’s next for you; and while celebrity may offer disposable income to buy new cars, clothes and arm candy, it doesn’t mean the pain of someone rejecting you is any easier.

I asked myself- “Do I want to endure? Should I continue living?

Ditched says:
“My hardest break up came from a really short romance, and actually hurt more than my previous 2 year relationship- he excited me from the get go and the build up to us getting together was just the right balance of causal teasing and actual feelings. His texts excited me, the idea of seeing him for an evening of X Factor and our own X rated action thrilled me- I was slowly falling but he just wasn’t ready for the laughs and laid back evenings to become anything more than that, so he ended it by text message as I was on my way to meet my brother for lunch- what followed was me sobbing in the loos of Revolution like a child who couldn’t breathe after a tantrum.”

“I felt alone- I’d wake up and for the tiniest piece of a split second I felt normal, then my brain had its shot of espresso and informed my stomach to flip and my tear ducts to fill up again. Looking in the mirror I felt grim, pale and like my mojo had gone- and all because of a somewhat lanky man with questionable dress sense. Although I felt alone and had my bad days, I never questioned my place on this earth, so for Katy to have these thoughts running through her mind must have meant she was pretty much a broken woman.”

Depression and anxiety are two things very close to Hitched & Ditched’s heart, and something as traumatic as a big break up can bring out feelings, thoughts and emotions that you never knew existed. But if you do find yourself at a very low ebb; one where ice cream and your favourite film just won’t do, then it’s very important- no VITAL, that you talk to someone about just how much it is effecting you- if you struggle with this then writing it down may also be a huge help too.

We at Hitched & Ditched are very happy that Katy has Roared back to her best and cannot wait to hear more from the California Gurl.

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Textual Un-healing: ‘UR DMPD’

19 Jun

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Katy Perry has a body most women can only dream of and a vibrant attitude to life we all wish would greet us on a Monday morning. And many men would enjoy having a play with her whipped cream cans, so it’s pretty refreshing to know that the California Gurl shares something pretty close to our Ditched’s less-than-double-D chest:being dumped by text. Totally not LOL…

My ex was a douche. So him pulling the plug on our short but sweet dalliance via the medium of text shouldn’t have surprised me really, but boy oh boy OH BOY was I wrong. I’m a savvy young woman, so I knew things were less than blissful, but just like the first tinglings of thrush, I chose to ignore it until it got horrific.

But rather than shoving a pessery up my soon-to-be ex fellas nose, I carried on my merry little dance of denial until he crashed my inbox with heartbreak and deleted himself out of my contacts.

Katy Perry admitted recently that Russell Brand asked for a divorce in a text message (ok KT yours is ten times worse than mine) but does this highlight how the digital age has given guys an even easier get out route. It wasn’t so long ago that we all had to make the move to digital TV’s; have men received a similar nudge in terms of textual dumping?

Breaking up will always be a bitch, but you would kick up a fuss if the same un-courtesy was shown when finding out you didn’t get the job, or that you actually did have that icky STD ( ok ok you can find out about your sexual health via text…. Not that I’d know…ahem)
The whole thing just screams ‘I can’t be bothered’ or ‘it will be far too awkward for me in person’

Great: not only do I have raging PMS, period pains that resemble labour, a rib that dislocates randomly and an acute addition to wearing lipgloss, but now I have to worry about a relationship ending via the beepity beep beep of my mobile telephone.

For months I kept that little text message and gave the guys from CSI New York a run for their money, as I tried to piece together just why it happened; the answer- he was an emotional simpleton who got bored pretty easily. But what should you do if it ever happens to you?

1. Do NOT reply: no matter how tempting, if he has shown you a lack of respect than don’t bother to waste your text allowance on that jerk, plus it will drive him mad!
2. Delete his digits: and that text, if he’s moving on then so should you.
3. Ask yourself ‘what would Katy do?: write a kick ass tune, rock a blue hair do and be insanely positive.

Lts of Luv Ditched

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Daddy’s Girl

9 Jun

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The old saying goes that a woman will look for qualities her Dad possesses when it comes to bagging a man. Here Ditched delves into her relationship vault to see if this really rings true…

Dad, Daddy, Poppa, Father, old man- whatever you call ‘he who helped create you’, do we women really go after men who resemble our Mum’s horizontal jogging partner?
My late Father (I’ll posh it up and call him that for this piece) was cheeky, a charmer, lad about town, in and out of a youth offenders unit, rebellious, outspoken, confident and couldn’t be tied down to anyone or anything. But to those close to him he was a big softie, a true romantic, and a man who struggled to show his true emotions in the right way.

So are the blokes on my dating record guilty of showing the above attributes and personality traits? Well after a close inspection the answer is a big fat yes; pretty much all of my rendezvous have been with men who kind of want to be with me, show my lots of attention at first, but never really want to be in an actual loving relationship; unless it’s with the pub and a pint.

My link to Dads and dating goes all the way back to my ultimate 90’s crush: East 17’s Brian Harvey. He was a small, bald, cheeky, loud mouthed rebel who did things on his terms, and I couldn’t get enough of his bad boy antics (Take That who??)

But do I and other lady folk consciously choose to date Daddy style? Personally if I knew a man was so hard to pin down and wasn’t going to reply to my texts, I wouldn’t want the hassle or heartache. But clearly on some sort of unaware level, I get a thrill out of not knowing how someone feels or how they will treat me; talk about a sucker for punishment! Recently I found out that a guy I liked, and who I thought liked me too, has a girlfriend, which is a massive no no for me, but I still found myself feeling more attracted and wanting him that little bit more.

I never had a close relationship with my Dad, which now causes me to seek approval from guys that I date (hello therapy session!) but I also recognise that passion, excitement and a ‘on your toes’ love life is better suited to me than knowing where I stand.

All I know is that relationships can definitely be a family affair…

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Knockout Nookie: is sex better if we wait?

29 May

Super hard boxing bloke Carl Froch has bursted (literally) after revealing he went three whole months without sex before his latest fight, but can we mere mortals relate?
Remember the feeling of longing for your other half to return back from his ‘lads on tour’ holiday? Wanting to go for a horizontal jog, and praying that he hasn’t already with a random from a hen party? Now that may only have been one little week, but does going without sex ignite the passion or just piss you both off? Here H & D get under the covers…

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Carl Froch and his insanely gorgeous girlfriend Rachael Cordingley had a three month sex ban in place, and even slept in separate beds while Froch was training for the biggest fight of his career. Now many fellas only really get fist happy with those pub punch machines, so placing a sex ban in everyday life is pretty unlikely, but does sexual absence really make the down below heart throb stronger?

Carl admitted “when it finally happened it was like our first time- like falling in love all over again, so of course there were fireworks in the bedroom.” And this was three months of no access to the pants party; three months! Our Ditched is currently on a personal sex ban, in fact it’s been so long since she’s done it, she’s now wondering if bits and pieces still go in the same place…

Hitched & Ditched think that if your partner is away a lot on work, or has been ill for a while, then when you do finally get down to business again it can feel like that steamy car scene in Titanic. But if your other half is delaying the down and dirty just to be a bit of a cock, or simply because Match of The Day over ran, then your sex life may have the passion of Ken and Deirdre from Corrie.

For us its all about the passion, so if you do feel that pure intensity and lust, then why not try to go without sex for a week and see if that builds up to an erotic eruption. But in the meantime, why not have a read of our top five list of things that are worth waiting for. Enjoy!

1. Leaving the ice cream out of the freezer for ten minutes before you dig in: no one likes spoon rage
2. Waiting at least an hour before you reply to his text: he’ll never know you were watching Paul O’Grady’s Dogs in your onesie
3. Not buying that killer jacket, then going back a week later to see it’s on sale: kerrrrrching
4. Watching your fave TV show on Sky Plus, with no one else around: finally, Glee without being judged!
5. Waiting for the right man: not Mr Right now, not Mr right he’ll do, and not Mark Wright (unfortunately)

Love Lauren aka Hitched & Kelly aka Ditched

Hitched & Ditched hit the airwaves!

5 May

A while back our very own Ditched, aka Miss Independent, appeared on student radio show Exposure FM, to give her advice on all things relationship. Have a listen below and let us know what you think!

Listen here

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Second Hand Men

16 Apr

If only choosing a man was as simple as buying a car…

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I recently bought my very first car at the grand old age of 28; yeah yeah it may have taken me longer than most relationships last to pass my test but I’ve always been a slow starter.
I spent many a weekend looking for the ‘perfect’ car; my definition being a nice shiny colour, cute shape and furry dice thrown in for free. After a quick test drive I fell in love with the sheer basicality (new word, just go with it) of the car, and bought the blue beast there and then.

*Adopts Carrie Bradshaw voice* So this got me thinking, if we are so quick to take a chance on a used car, with surface damage and some miles on the clock, why aren’t we as quick to take a chance on men who have been around the block?

I’m not saying that guy you met in a Yates wine lodge, who has openly slept with 100 women, should be número uno on your hit it then quit it list, but perhaps having more of an open mind to men who have a bit of a past could lead to something amazing. Of course, we all want to step onto the relationship forecourt and bag ourselves a brand new ride (smutty minds laugh now), but unless you have come into a small fortune, or have Kelly Brook’s chest, then you’ll have to do a bit of bartering to get what you want.

Everyone has a past, but some are more colourful than others, and for me they are far more interesting. If I think about the celebrity men I want to go horizontal jogging with, all of them have a colourful past, e.g: Tom Hardy once had a drug habit and was a bit of a rebel. Now I’m not saying that the bad boys should always be catching your eye (oh eh oh eye), but no relationship comes with a warranty or insurance.

One of the most fascinating part of a relationship comes after the first date, flowers and fumbles, but when you start to open up about your exes, expectations and things you rarely tell even your closest friends. So having a guy who gives you the wow factor without having to swing by Ann Summers or the florist is pretty special.

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Do you agree with Ditched? Comment below 🙂