Tag Archives: men

F*ck (off) buddy

15 Sep

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“Here’s a question. Why do girls feel the need to make it anymore than just sex? Each and every girl makes out that they’re “not that type of girl” but what does that even mean?!”

What does it even mean eh? I mean if we don’t know what it means then how can he possibly know the meaning?

The above quotion (quote/question) comes from a bloke who has outright asked me if I fancy being somewhat of a horizontal jogging partner; I’ve told him the only exercise I do is my morning sit up, aka getting out of bed, and that I’m not the type of girl who can have sexual fun times without A. Feeling cheap B. feeling awkward or C. Feeling like I should be feeling something more than the earth (possibly) moving.

I get where he is coming from, and I know exactly where he’d like to be cumin’ into, but I’m not worried about falling head over knickers for this guy; it’s more a case of I have to feel pretty comfortable with someone before I can peel off my Primark finest and roll around the bed like I’m Miley Cyrus on Sambuca. But he seems to think that one passionate moment and possible orgasm means my swoon switch will be well and truly flicked, and I’ll be Instagramming the shit out of him as he falls into a post ejaculate coma.

In the words of Simon Cowell, it’s a no from me, as it takes way more than a flash of his pork sword and the latest moves he learnt in FHM to make me even remotely think about him taking on all of my baggage (we’re talking a few carry on cases, but still…)

I’ll be 29 soon, and in the past I’ve certainly been guilty of ‘falling’ for people I have slept with, but looking back I just wanted to be loved and feel wanted; am I scared of that feeling happening again if I choose to start a saucy fling with this guy? No, as I’ve finally reached a place where I can feel comfortable enough to say I choose self respect over a secret hook up.

I want fireworks, I want love, I want the whole party popper experience- the more time I waste on people who just fancy a roll around with no consequences, the wrong message I’ll be sending out to the universe. (Yes I’m one of those people…)

As for ‘not being that type of girl’, well that’s something all girls find themselves saying to a guy, as who the hell wants to be known as an easy lover? But there’s nothing wrong with being sexually confident and saying that you just want to get your leg over too- as let’s face it sometimes that’s all we want! But men seem to feel comfy uttering those words; a little too comfy, as society seems to paint them as the uncommitted species.

If you want sex with no relationship- go for it. If you want a relationship based on friendship and sex- then go for that too. There is no right or wrong when it comes to how you get your kicks, just as long as you are happy in the process.

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Five ways to get over that douche

22 Jul

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Recently Ditched was let down again by a man, which left her feeling insecure, hurt and rejected, and had Hitched running out of love advice. We have had enough of pretty, strong and amazing women being made to feel like dirt just because guys can only think with their dangly bits. So girls, take these five Fab tips and trust us when we say you CAN get over that weasel.

1. Do a Ross Geller
No, not sleep with someone else during a break, but make a list of his pros and cons. Sure he may have that cheeky glint in his eye, a pretty awesome sense of humour and look orgasmic in a fitted t-shirt, but don’t let your sexual desire drive your want for him. Think about his morals, the nice things he does for others and his general attitude towards life- having a big schlong and calling you ‘babe’ doesn’t make him a boy you can bring home to Momma.

2.Listen to your gut
We’ve all been there; enjoying a delish meal when the dance of diarrhoea begins its matinee performance in your gut. Now, do you sprint to the loo or ride it out and end up in the shit (literally). Take this disgusting advice and apply it to him- deep down you know he is a wrong un’, so cut your losses and avoid a hot damn mess.

3. Don’t waste the pretty
If a bellend let’s you down its very tempting to get dolled up and hit the town to attract another. But instead of roaming your local bars, bus stops and Burger King looking for Tom, Dick and Harry, why not save your heels and snuggle up on the sofa with Ben & Jerry instead. They’ll be plenty of chances to shake it like a Polaroid picture and meet your future Fosling (fake Gosling), when you are back to your best.

4. See who he follows
We don’t mean deer stalking the sad sap, but more like logging on to Twitter and seeing who he virtually has love for. If ‘We adore boobs’ or ‘smokin hot babes’ is on that list then you have escaped a grade A perve, and you can thank your lucky stars that he didn’t snap you and tweet in a picture of your amazing lady cannons.

5. Do the maths
You and him don’t add up, but what’s vital to remember is he is one OF a million, not one IN a million. Chances are you’ll cry, be hurt and feel rejected by another man in your life, but knowing that its all simply a law of averages means you can throw that calculator away and subtract another tool from your fabulous life.

Go get em gorgeous!

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Daddy’s Girl

9 Jun

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The old saying goes that a woman will look for qualities her Dad possesses when it comes to bagging a man. Here Ditched delves into her relationship vault to see if this really rings true…

Dad, Daddy, Poppa, Father, old man- whatever you call ‘he who helped create you’, do we women really go after men who resemble our Mum’s horizontal jogging partner?
My late Father (I’ll posh it up and call him that for this piece) was cheeky, a charmer, lad about town, in and out of a youth offenders unit, rebellious, outspoken, confident and couldn’t be tied down to anyone or anything. But to those close to him he was a big softie, a true romantic, and a man who struggled to show his true emotions in the right way.

So are the blokes on my dating record guilty of showing the above attributes and personality traits? Well after a close inspection the answer is a big fat yes; pretty much all of my rendezvous have been with men who kind of want to be with me, show my lots of attention at first, but never really want to be in an actual loving relationship; unless it’s with the pub and a pint.

My link to Dads and dating goes all the way back to my ultimate 90’s crush: East 17’s Brian Harvey. He was a small, bald, cheeky, loud mouthed rebel who did things on his terms, and I couldn’t get enough of his bad boy antics (Take That who??)

But do I and other lady folk consciously choose to date Daddy style? Personally if I knew a man was so hard to pin down and wasn’t going to reply to my texts, I wouldn’t want the hassle or heartache. But clearly on some sort of unaware level, I get a thrill out of not knowing how someone feels or how they will treat me; talk about a sucker for punishment! Recently I found out that a guy I liked, and who I thought liked me too, has a girlfriend, which is a massive no no for me, but I still found myself feeling more attracted and wanting him that little bit more.

I never had a close relationship with my Dad, which now causes me to seek approval from guys that I date (hello therapy session!) but I also recognise that passion, excitement and a ‘on your toes’ love life is better suited to me than knowing where I stand.

All I know is that relationships can definitely be a family affair…

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Second Hand Men

16 Apr

If only choosing a man was as simple as buying a car…

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I recently bought my very first car at the grand old age of 28; yeah yeah it may have taken me longer than most relationships last to pass my test but I’ve always been a slow starter.
I spent many a weekend looking for the ‘perfect’ car; my definition being a nice shiny colour, cute shape and furry dice thrown in for free. After a quick test drive I fell in love with the sheer basicality (new word, just go with it) of the car, and bought the blue beast there and then.

*Adopts Carrie Bradshaw voice* So this got me thinking, if we are so quick to take a chance on a used car, with surface damage and some miles on the clock, why aren’t we as quick to take a chance on men who have been around the block?

I’m not saying that guy you met in a Yates wine lodge, who has openly slept with 100 women, should be número uno on your hit it then quit it list, but perhaps having more of an open mind to men who have a bit of a past could lead to something amazing. Of course, we all want to step onto the relationship forecourt and bag ourselves a brand new ride (smutty minds laugh now), but unless you have come into a small fortune, or have Kelly Brook’s chest, then you’ll have to do a bit of bartering to get what you want.

Everyone has a past, but some are more colourful than others, and for me they are far more interesting. If I think about the celebrity men I want to go horizontal jogging with, all of them have a colourful past, e.g: Tom Hardy once had a drug habit and was a bit of a rebel. Now I’m not saying that the bad boys should always be catching your eye (oh eh oh eye), but no relationship comes with a warranty or insurance.

One of the most fascinating part of a relationship comes after the first date, flowers and fumbles, but when you start to open up about your exes, expectations and things you rarely tell even your closest friends. So having a guy who gives you the wow factor without having to swing by Ann Summers or the florist is pretty special.

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Do you agree with Ditched? Comment below 🙂

Exceptional Exes

4 Nov

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There are some things in life we all have; hopes, dreams, at least one season of The OC on DVD, an annoying bit of hair that roams free from all the others, and of course those dreaded exes. But what happens to those people who you once laughed with, cried over and possibly threw up on? Can they ever truly play a leading role in your life after fluffing their lines oh so many moons ago?

Miss Independent says…          Who’d have thought that me and Katy Perry would have something in common; no, not an amazingly pert rack and love of all things candy, but turning the grand old age of 28 recently. (pulls out grey hair with tweezers) Now while I enjoyed a comedy t-shirt and delicious cookie cake from my older brother, Katy reportedly received a gold bracelet and a meditation cushion from her big bouffanted estranged hubby Russell Brand.

Guys have only ever given me jewellery during a serious romance; by serious I mean the sex dies off and you begin to wonder why this person is constantly wanting to hang around with you, but it was still a nice gesture non the less. But for an ex to buy you such lovely gifts says one of two things; they either genuinely care for you that much as a person, or they are quite possibly see you as the one that got away.

Katy and Russell experienced a relationship more intense than five goes on the Oblivion after a Starbucks espresso, resulting in a quick divorce and pictures of Russell roaming LA with a bevy of pretty ladies, while dressed as the Dhali Jesus. But his gold token of friendship surely shows that the California girl is still a huge firework in his life, even though the teenage dream is over. (too much? Ah just go with it)

All this present giving and treating your former lover in a nice manner got me a thinking about my exes, and the stark reality is that only one would be an important part of my life if I chose to let him. I’m no Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian; you won’t catch me dating a different dude each day, month or year, and I have only experienced 2 long term relationships, one near miss and 10-12 in-between time fillers for those cold Winter nights. So classing any of these geezers as an exceptional ex would be difficult, no matter how much bling he bought me.

It always fascinates me how one minute you are closer than Bear Grylls’ to a snakes fangs, and the next you have ‘Somebody that I used to know’ as the soundtrack to your life. I mean would you just go cold turkey on a mate and stop texting them if they started to annoy you? Well unless they left some Weetabix to congeal in a bowl overnight then the answer would be no, so to blankety blank someone who has seen you in the all together is a situation that always amazes me. But the defining factor there is S.E.X; if you aren’t bouncing around on his Johnson anymore, then why would he care if you are feeling a little low today?

A good man is like gold dust, but a good ex can only be compared to locating Creme Eggs in the middle of December; impossible, unrealistic and a huge let down. My message to Ms Perry? I say embrace it with those double D’s, but be prepared for a Hot then Cold relationship.

Ditched dishes the dirt

19 Aug

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Since we started this blog, many people have given our Miss Independent a sympathetic ‘aww’ when hearing that she is always being ditched by dreaded men folk. But just exactly why do seemingly normal and appealing girls get left on the shelf, or even worse at the side of the road after being flung off the Relation Ship without a life jacket? Here our very own ‘Ditched’ gives the inside scoop in to life as a single twenty something woman; be warned, she is very honest.

When I was 16 I lived in a fairyland world; one where Princes rescued Princesses, and sexting was only available to those who didn’t own a Nokia 5110. I was, and still am, a dreamer and a sucker for romance, but 11 years on I now look at the world of love without the help of any rose tinted spectacles.

When I was 16 most of my friends had already done the deed with a cool kid at school; you know the type who now works at Poundland and has 3 children, but I always wanted to wait for that one special person to give my feminine essence to. Not only did I wait for the right person to do the no pants dance with, but he was also my first kiss and under the cover finger fumble. What followed was a two year on off romance, with a small incident of cheating (his lame ass not mine) and a few on again, off again moments; it all came to an end when he decided he needed to find himself, which left me crying into my Carebear pillow and wondering if I would ever love again.

So with my dreams of a fairy tale romance down the crapper, I carried on with my teenage antics, but never actually got with anyone again until I buggered off to University, and even there I refused to act out a scene from Geordie Shore’s night vision cameras. My problem: assuming a relationship from every guy who even brushes past me; granted I am nowhere near as bad as I used to be, but trying to behave like a man and see most things as casual just isn’t my style. So this need and want to be in a relationship with anyone from the bus driver who smiled at me, to the work colleague who jokingly touches my arm during a joke, is obviously enough to leave most men pressing the eject button and watching me crash into the ground.

The guys who I have actually dated steadily and made me think things were more serious than they were are probably the reason I am writing this blog in the first place, and I should send them a basket of fruit or something to say thank you. I am not ashamed to be known as the eternally ditched girl, as someone somewhere is bound to pick me up off the side and take me in.

After years of taking myself, and the dating game way too seriously, I can finally see situations for what they are, and not assume that just because he mentioned going on holiday in the future, doesn’t mean he will. Even if a dreamboat saunters up to me and gives it the big ‘ I’m serious about you, and let’s give this a shot’ speech, then I’m still not 100% sold until I witness and feel some truth in those words.

Am I bitter about love and relationships? Slightly, but aren’t we all? I mean we all have that one person who to this day will make us angry and our heart skip a beat at the same time. But it’s all about accepting who you are as a person, and for me that’s being a little bit too intense when it comes to the hairier sex.