What being married means to me

Here’s the very first post from our brand new Hitched – Mrs Sam Harwood… take it away Sam!

Wow – what a question. But I feel I must start this post with a disclosure – I’m writing with a cold. Not quite man flu, but I feel poorly and vulnerable. So right now being married means appreciating having a live-in pharmacist and feeling comfortable enough to not hide my face covered in snot and Vaseline.

If I were to answer this question on a different day, in a different mood would my answer change? Marriage changes over time and through the good and bad situations, but does the meaning?

Marriage to me is about family – starting your own new family unit of two and either breaking away from your old family or extending on it.  On my side we extended it. I didn’t just get a husband but my Dad got a son, my Nan got another grandchild and my sister an annoying big brother. Overall I think they like it.

It’s also means to me having someone on your side –note not always, Nik is certainly not a push over and when I’m wrong (although I never am!) he voices it. But generally I love having my backup support system. After a long day at work and an extremely annoying colleague I relay my story and whether he understands, and or, cares Nik always has my back. And the very next evening he will do the same again. Yes I love bitching with my girlfriends, but if I called them every night to do it, how long would it be before my calls reached their voicemail?

Although I have played the role of Little Miss Confidence the truth is a very different matter and my support system has slowly helped with that, probably without him ever knowing!

I have very recently been asked to be a bridesmaid and for the research of this post I turned to my newly engaged friend and asked the same question to determine whether my views have changed.  I have been married for four years – it’s a long way off a lifetime but beats Britney’s 55 hours and Kim K and Kris Humphries 72 days! Her answer was simple; marriage meant the ultimate commitment – the forever.

My thoughts exactly, so perhaps what marriage to me doesn’t change, maybe you lose sight of what it means when you argue over money or the washing up. But overall you have made the ultimate commitment and yes there is means of escape. I’m not afraid of divorce and will always promote the “divorce is better than an unhappy marriage” message. But right now I type as a lucky girl, happy in my marriage. But at the same time you must feel like it is forever, if you feel you have an easy means of escape you may not put in the work marriage needs.

Like every marriage is different, so are our meanings. But this is mine. Now I turn to you – what does your marriage mean to you?

Diary of a weak woman

Addiction: The fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing or activity

Rolos from the fridge , wearing high heels at work, buying the same dress in ten different colours, The OC and letting go of men who treat my emotions like a piss sodden urinal; Ditched has many addictions, however the last one isn’t that fun to live with…

Last week I was curling my lions mane when my clumsy hand slipped, resulting in four swear words and one hell of a burnt finger. After a few fridge Rolos (seriously you have to try them-forget YOLO, it’s all about the Rolo) I continued my curling mission, while fully aware that a burnt finger, ear or face could be heading my way. This renegade attitude to life, and purely living on the edge is fine in some instances, but not when it comes to keeping guys in my life who leave my self esteem flatter than my Justin Bieber-esque chest.

I love male attention. Not in a stripper- hey baby let me shake my thang kind of way, but being around guys and having a nice laugh gives me a boost that being with my girls just doesn’t create. I also l.o.v.e to see the good in people, even if those people have lied to me, hurt me and acted like a total cock sap. But why oh why OH WHY do I do it to myself, and why do many other amazing women?

Recently a dude I really liked asked me out and made my heart all of a flutter, only to drop the G-bomb; that being he had a girlfriend all along. So what did I do? Yes I went mental and called him a quiff ponce, but after the anger had died down I STILL wanted his attention and even to this day part of me still does. I’ve tried flirting with other men: fail, and even joined a dating site: an even bigger fail.

The same formula could be applied to my previous relationship, with him ending it by text and that being like some sort of catnip to me: one things for sure, I’m definitely a pussy when it comes to telling bad men to do one. Maybe it stems from wanting to change someone: some women want to be the one who changes a man for the better- imagine Harry Styles settling down with you and giving up his cougar ways and you’re half way there.

But just how do I curb my bad addiction? Do I stay away from men until my own self worth is higher? Do I try dating a lady to see what all the fuss is about? Or do I just ignore my urges to contact men who have wronged me and hope it fizzles out like a cheap firework display?

Answers on a postcard PLEASE!

Second Hand Men

If only choosing a man was as simple as buying a car…

I recently bought my very first car at the grand old age of 28; yeah yeah it may have taken me longer than most relationships last to pass my test but I’ve always been a slow starter.
I spent many a weekend looking for the ‘perfect’ car; my definition being a nice shiny colour, cute shape and furry dice thrown in for free. After a quick test drive I fell in love with the sheer basicality (new word, just go with it) of the car, and bought the blue beast there and then.

*Adopts Carrie Bradshaw voice* So this got me thinking, if we are so quick to take a chance on a used car, with surface damage and some miles on the clock, why aren’t we as quick to take a chance on men who have been around the block?

I’m not saying that guy you met in a Yates wine lodge, who has openly slept with 100 women, should be número uno on your hit it then quit it list, but perhaps having more of an open mind to men who have a bit of a past could lead to something amazing. Of course, we all want to step onto the relationship forecourt and bag ourselves a brand new ride (smutty minds laugh now), but unless you have come into a small fortune, or have Kelly Brook’s chest, then you’ll have to do a bit of bartering to get what you want.

Everyone has a past, but some are more colourful than others, and for me they are far more interesting. If I think about the celebrity men I want to go horizontal jogging with, all of them have a colourful past, e.g: Tom Hardy once had a drug habit and was a bit of a rebel. Now I’m not saying that the bad boys should always be catching your eye (oh eh oh eye), but no relationship comes with a warranty or insurance.

One of the most fascinating part of a relationship comes after the first date, flowers and fumbles, but when you start to open up about your exes, expectations and things you rarely tell even your closest friends. So having a guy who gives you the wow factor without having to swing by Ann Summers or the florist is pretty special.

 

Do you agree with Ditched? Comment below 🙂

She’s a knockout: Rachael Cordingley Interview

Life as a modern woman can be hectic; just ask Our Wedded Miss about her husbands sport fetish, or Miss Independent on her fear of blokes with bad teeth. But add in a glamorous modelling career, a 2 year old son and a fella who floors blokes for a living and things just get a whole lot crazier. Here we chat to the beautiful Rachael Cordingley, on life as a model, mother and being the other half of the Cobra, Mr Carl Froch.

Picture courtesy of Neil Dobias at Force 1 Management

ROUND 1: We are suckers for a romantic story, so how did you and Carl first meet? We met through a mutual friend who thought we would get on well together, then we spoke on the phone for hours and I felt like I had known him for years. Was it a whirlwind romance? Yeah it was; I know that sounds cheesy! We met up in London and spent the weekend together; stayed in a hotel with separate rooms! Then we never really parted, as I came up to Nottingham and just travelled back to London for work.

ROUND 2: Do you find it difficult as a modern woman juggling a glamorous career with motherhood? Well I’ve been modelling since I was 19, so taking a step back and enjoying time with Rocco has been great, but he has just turned 2 so I am definitely going to get back into it. I had to start training straight away to get my figure back, as I put on three stone during the pregnancy, but luckily I’ve managed to get back down to how I was before, if not a little lighter.

ROUND 3: How difficult on a scale of one to ten is it watching Carl fight? Probably about an 8; it’s very stressful and I don’t see him as much so we do miss him. But I don’t worry about him getting hurt, I just know how much he wants to win. But his last fight against Lucian Bute was brilliant, I loved it, and I never get bored watching it back; even though I know what’s going to happen I still scream at the telly!

ROUND 4: Some people dub you and Carl as the Posh and Becks of boxing. Do you welcome the celebrity attention, or do you take it on the chin (if you’ll pardon the boxing pun!) We just take it as it comes really, I mean we’ve done various magazine and newspaper spreads together, but we are a low key couple as Carl doesn’t really like that lifestyle. But with my line of work it comes as part of it, but Carl is so down to earth and prefers to focus on his passion for boxing.

ROUND 5: How does Carl handle the attention you receive from being a glamour girl? And do you ever struggle with the female attention that he may receive? From time to time we both get jealous, but we’ve got each other and nothing else can come between us. Say if any men come up to me the Carl will look over just to keep an eye out, but we both laugh it off. Girls have gone up to Carl before and I just make sure my presence is known!

ROUND 6: If a movie were made about Carl’s life, who would you want to play him and also yourself ohh, erm, well Carl is a massive fan of Sylvester Stallone, so I’d say him, although I prefer Jason Statham or Clive Owen! But for myself I’d have to go with Megan Fox.

ROUND 7: As a little girl, did you envisage yourself getting married, or does it all depend on meeting that one right person? Definitely. When I was growing up I was more of a tomboy and in to my sports, and it was never on my mind to get married or have children, so all of my family were surprised when I announced I was expecting Rocco, as they never thought I would be the first to have a baby! But when you find that right person, then everything just clicks into place. Do you think you will have more kids with Carl in the future? Yes definitely. I want three boys!

ROUND 8: Do you feel any pressure to keep in good shape being with a world class athlete such as Carl. We tend to do things together; when Carl isn’t training we pretty much do everything together and we are like best friends. So he might run and I’ll cycle, or we’ll both go for a run, or go to the gym together. Have you ever done any boxing training with Carl? Yes, I’ve just started back up actually. Carl will come with me to the gym and show me what to do and where I may be going wrong, then he’ll hold the bag or pads too. I did a charity boxing match about a year ago, so completed a months training with Carl and his trainer, Robert McCracken, which was amazing for shifting that half stone of baby weight! Sound like the perfect relationship to us Rachael! Yes it’s great, we tell each other everything and are always laughing!

ROUND 9: As a beautiful young woman, do you have a strict beauty regime and do you have any pearls of wisdom to help us on our way to becoming stunners? Ohh ha ha ha, now let me think… Do you tend to have no make up days? I always have them! We all like to put make up on, but just to go to the shop it’s nice to have non on and to pop a ponytail in. But I do enjoy getting dressed up and doing my hair etc, but some days you just need to let your skin breathe. I always cleanse, tone and moisturise, and I am a big fan of Sk:n products, especially to remove any make up.

ROUND 10: What is your number one go to beauty product? I like Clarins products, but at the moment I am using Sk:n Exfoliating Cleanser.

ROUND 11: If you could only buy clothes from one shop for the rest of your life, which one would it be and why? I’d have to say high street stores, as everything is always up to date. If I had to choose it would be Topshop, but I’m also a big fan of River Island and Zara.

 So there you have it, pretty, funny and down to earth; Thank you Ms Rachael Cordingley xxx

When good love goes bad

It may have been a while since our Miss Independent strolled down Lovers Lane, hand in hand with a dashing young piece of arm candy, but she still remembers the tummy flutters and times of smug bliss that being in a relationship can bring. But our single lady also knows how quickly the goo-goo-gah-gah’s turn in to grrr-grrr-raaah-raaah’s, and suddenly everything that annoyed you about your one and only is let off like a firework. Here she looks at how, just like Rihanna; a good thang can go bad. (If only dying your hair red and grinding in tight shorts was a suitable option for everyone…)

    

For weeks now I have been fascinated by one ‘celebrity’ relationship, and that is the spectacle of Jodie Marsh and Kirk Norcross. Flame haired she-warrior Jodie has always been known for her outrageous stunts; including marrying Jordan’s ex on her MTV show ‘Who’ll Take Her Up The Aisle’ (Insert smutty joke here.) But for once I actually believed she had found a man who was, erm, man enough to take on her larger than life assets and lifestyle. But just over a month after their ‘showmance’ began, Jirk are no more, with rumours of Jodie’s no sex rule be-cumming too much for Kirky to take. The former TOWIE lad said “I felt like I was 13 again, going round to a girls house and kissing on the sofa, she just kept saying she wouldn’t have sex with me.’

So with his balls ready to burst, and Jodie only interested in getting a pump on at the gym, Kirk called time on their relationship and wasted no time in letting rip at the ripped Essex lass. Branding her a ‘fame obsessed liar” and claiming “I realised I only wanted to have sex with the old Jodie Marsh; the one I had posters of on my wall.” Kirk wasn’t afraid of kicking Jodie when she was down, but aren’t we all guilty of unleashing our inner bitter beast when a relationship hits the skids? I for one am 1 million percent guilty of that charge, and I come out swinging quicker than Mohammed Ali when my relationship world of rainbows and Sugarpuffs, descends into grey skies and piss ridden puddles.

One minute you are laying on his chest, slowly drifting off to sleep at the sound of each manly breathe; the next minute you want to lay him out on the floor and insult his love of One Direction-eqsue trousers. The things you adore about your ‘Boo’ during the blissful times are heightened by the chemical rushes you experience; so that aftershave he wore when you romantically watched ‘Paranormal Activity’ in the dark, will bring back all sorts of feelings. But when faced with the same smell after a hideous break up, it will invoke small rises of rage and possibly the vomiting up of the world’s largest dictionary of insults. I clearly remember having an exes t-shirt, and feeling like a safe child when sleeping in it, but come the day he decided it wasn’t him it was me; I cut that mother into tiny pieces and threw them in the air as if I were holding a million pounds.

If we are honest with ourselves, especially as women, we know that getting angry is a huge part of being bothered about losing something which meant so much to you; in Kirk’s case I just think he was upset about not adding another notch to the Norcross bedpost, as if he had actually cared then getting his leg over would have been the icing on a pretty amazing cake. He could still have sex with the poster of Jodie if he liked, I mean cutting a hole in to a wall isn’t that hard right Kirky?

The old saying goes, we need to get bitter before we can get better, so if letting off a little steam after a breakup helps to heal your once loved filled heart then go ahead and fill your boots; just think of it as giving your vocal chords a hefty workout. My advice as a long term resident of Single Town would be to remain calm under the pressure of a break up, by turning your bitterness into banter and not allowing yourself to ‘pull a Norcross’ by dragging out a public slanging match for longer than I’ve been single.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tw*t-light: Is cheating really worth it?

H & D have witnessed some shocking things in our time; from Miss Independent being dumped by text and refusing to get dressed for days, to Wedded Miss taking 3 taxis home after a night out due to her allergic reaction to a good time. But when the gossip courier pigeon dropped the bomb that Kristen Stewart had done the dirty on one of the world’s hottest man candy, we thought a stray bit of mascara had caused us to misread such information. So what is it about this cheating lark, and why do people who seem to have it all still risk everything for a bit of behind the scenes nookie?

Miss Independent says:

Trust. Honesty. Respect and love. These four elements are the building blocks for any relationship, but all it takes is for one member of ‘team relationship’ to remove that wobbly Jenga piece by cheating, and the once solid tower is left broken on the floor.

As regular human beings, we thrive off of knowing the ins and outs of every celeb relationship; why did it end, who ended it, was anyone else involved? And most of the time it is because we want to see why these immortal A listers failed at something which should be as perfect for them as they make it seem on screen.

When I first heard about the alleged rumours of Kristen’s wicked ways, I thought it was nothing more than idle tabloid gossip, which would do nothing more than line my fish and chip supper. But to read a statement from the Scarlett woman herself, admitting to her ‘momentary indiscretion’ I had to ask why? Not because Robert Pattinson is one of the most sought after men on the planet, but why have such a meaningless fling and break something which clearly meant so much to you.

I believe that some people do have addictive personalities, and that the thrill of short lived things keeps them going, but was Kristen really one of these characters, or did she make a mistake as a 22 year old woman who got caught up in a world which doesn’t seem real at times? Either way, reports of Rob P being devastated have hit headlines across the globe, as well as snippets from interviews with him saying ‘I just don’t understand people who cheat.’

This single lady fully agrees with his admission, and could never imagine being intimate and giving herself to more than one person. The guilt would consume me and if I am honest, I struggle to find one bloke that ticks every box, so having two would be near enough impossible!

I hold my hands up to the odd text flirting in my younger days with guys who have girlfriends, but I would never go as far as meeting them or actually having an affair myself. But back then my view was ‘i’m the single one here so I’m not doing anything wrong.’ which is of course naive and not an acceptable excuse. But to actually break a long term relationship just to get some thrills on the side baffles me; if you are that unhappy then leave, do not have someone adoring you at home when you just want to exit because things have become a little stale.

Kristen and Robert have always maintained a private relationship, but it has exploded in the most public way, and would she really have been as apologetic if she wasn’t in the public eye; we will never know and they are entitled to their privacy during such a horrible time for any couple- famous or not.

When the perfect man saunters into my life, I would never do anything to break that bond, and the thought of someone so close to me losing all respect is possibly the worse thing to happen; that or your folks saying ‘I’m not mad, just disappointed.’

I agree with Wedded Miss; life is short, but your actions do matter, and in the end it all comes down to that one special person. So are they ever really worth losing over a drunken snog or heart racing affair?

One thing’s for sure…. The promo for the next Twilight film will be a tad #awkward

Wedded Miss Says:

Now I’m not a Twilight fan so I don’t understand the whole R-Patz, K-Stew appeal but the news that she had a fling with an older, married man with 2 children is pretty much all over the internet so I couldn’t really miss it now could I?!

Cheating. It’s such a big, complex subject but it is one that everybody has an opinion on. I, like R-Patz himself, have always had quite a black and white view of cheating – that it is wrong and I wouldn’t tolerate it and I didn’t understand people who did it.

This hasn’t changed now I am a married lady but I have become more understanding of the complexity of unfaithfulness.

From my life experience and a very scientific study in this field (otherwise known as dating) I believe that there are 2 categories into which cheaters fall: the first is people who cheat because they can, they are bored, they want to and have no self respect (lets be honest most of us have come across these arrogant b*****ds). Then there are others for whom a relationship has deteriorated in such a serious way they want a connection with someone but for one reason or another cannot leave the relationship, maybe they have children or their partner is ill.

Being married does make the issue of cheating quite poignant as I have always felt it would be a deal breaker for me and my husband, whoever was doing the cheating, but we have always been very open and honest about what we expect and how it might affect us if it did happen. This is obviously private and I wholeheartedly believe that it is the choice of the couple how they deal with their own situation.

However the idea that another woman would cheat with someone who is married, living together or has children sickens me. I think it is incredibly naïve of K-Stew to ‘only just realise he has children’ at this late stage. To me all these choices you make with someone are huge and life changing and for my husband or an outsider to treat that as if it means nothing is the ultimate betrayal and act of disrespect. How can you ever feel the same about the person you married?

Relationships are far from easy but this is not an excuse for infidelity! I refuse to believe that there are not ways to sort relationships out before you throw it away over a bit of lustful sex. People give up and give in too easily but the real happiness in life, marriage, careers, children, friendships, family – they take work and effort and sometimes mean doing things for the benefit of the whole rather than just yourself. Otherwise why bother being with someone? It isn’t a crime to be single, either leave or act like a grown up who has responsibilities.

Despite my strong feelings on this subject I do believe that people have the right to privacy and to do what is right for their relationship/marriage whatever I think would be right for me. But just remember this – love is precious, life is short and the way you treat people matters.

A Bad Case of The Singles

If I had a penny for every time someone gave me that look when I said I was without a bloke, I would be able to buy 2 and a half Freddo bars. But what exactly is it about those people who are coupled off which makes them look at you like an alien? Here our Miss Independent delves into the depths of deepest singledom to shed some light on this new found disease known as ‘The Singles’

I remember it clear as day, word for word; the time I fled to a sunnier climate with my cousin and had my first encounter of being diagnosed with ‘The Singles.’ My cousin has been with her fella ever since Paris Hilton learnt the art of serial dating, so it was only right that we happened to meet 2 couples when abroad who had also been together longer than time itself. While I was trying to get my sunbathe on, I was constantly surrounded by conversations themed on ‘things that your other half does’ and ‘ohh yes we will probably have a house or bambino by then.’

It wasn’t until I coughed and they realised I was actually still there, that one half of smug couple numero one asked whether I had a boyfriend, to which I replied ‘no not at the moment’, and that caused the sympathetic tilt of the head along with ‘aww don’t worry, you’ll find someone soon.’ Well at 23 years old, I certainly didn’t have images of my growing old with a beard and 20 cats, so worrying was the last thing on my mind after a previous relationship lasting 2 years.

So just how long has this been going on, and is being single really something people should fear in a time where women are choosing careers over caring boyfriends? I believe that having The Singles is something you either embrace or eternally fear; I say enjoy the extra space in your double bed, not having to shave your legs for 6 weeks (yes I do that sometimes, and what?) and just simply taking care of yourself while the right person skips along beside you without you blinking an eye.

I feel that asking someone if they are in a relationship falls under the bracket of ‘things you ask people you have only just met’, along with ‘what do you do for a living?’ and ‘where are you from?’ But I would never tilt my head and go ‘aww’ if someone told me that they were unemployed or worked in a factory putting lids on toothpaste tubes then condesend them by saying ‘don’t worry, you’ll find a job soon!’, so why do people feel the need to cast me out like a lepar when I reveal that I am without a spooning partner and do not receive a regular forking?

If I look back to previous dating experiences, I should have been locked up for crimes against commitment, as I was eternally looking for that Mr Right, when many guys were just Mr Right-now-I-Just-Want-To-See-Your-Boobies. So I am previously guilty of placing my own fear about catching ‘The Singles’, when in theory I was looking in all the wrong places for a so called cure.

I believe people project their fear of being single on to other people, such as myself, and when they are so happily loved up in a relationship they forget what being single was like and relate it to a time where life sucked, and everything wasn’t one big fluffy marshmallow. But my theory as a long term member of the ‘Single Ladies Society’ (holla), is that the most important relationship you will ever have in life is with yourself, and if you are not a member of team you then how can you expect blokes to get off the bench and join in the game?

I can happily scream at the top of my lungs- My name is Miss Independent and I proudly suffer from ‘The Singles’, so to all of you who are wondering how I cope without any man veg to grope or stubble to rub up against, I say “just fine thanks” as I know when the time is right someone will put a ring on it; so for now I have no cause to say ‘Uh Oh Oh.’