Archive | July, 2012

Tw*t-light: Is cheating really worth it?

26 Jul

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H & D have witnessed some shocking things in our time; from Miss Independent being dumped by text and refusing to get dressed for days, to Wedded Miss taking 3 taxis home after a night out due to her allergic reaction to a good time. But when the gossip courier pigeon dropped the bomb that Kristen Stewart had done the dirty on one of the world’s hottest man candy, we thought a stray bit of mascara had caused us to misread such information. So what is it about this cheating lark, and why do people who seem to have it all still risk everything for a bit of behind the scenes nookie?

Miss Independent says:


Trust. Honesty. Respect and love. These four elements are the building blocks for any relationship, but all it takes is for one member of ‘team relationship’ to remove that wobbly Jenga piece by cheating, and the once solid tower is left broken on the floor.

As regular human beings, we thrive off of knowing the ins and outs of every celeb relationship; why did it end, who ended it, was anyone else involved? And most of the time it is because we want to see why these immortal A listers failed at something which should be as perfect for them as they make it seem on screen.

When I first heard about the alleged rumours of Kristen’s wicked ways, I thought it was nothing more than idle tabloid gossip, which would do nothing more than line my fish and chip supper. But to read a statement from the Scarlett woman herself, admitting to her ‘momentary indiscretion’ I had to ask why? Not because Robert Pattinson is one of the most sought after men on the planet, but why have such a meaningless fling and break something which clearly meant so much to you.

I believe that some people do have addictive personalities, and that the thrill of short lived things keeps them going, but was Kristen really one of these characters, or did she make a mistake as a 22 year old woman who got caught up in a world which doesn’t seem real at times? Either way, reports of Rob P being devastated have hit headlines across the globe, as well as snippets from interviews with him saying ‘I just don’t understand people who cheat.’

This single lady fully agrees with his admission, and could never imagine being intimate and giving herself to more than one person. The guilt would consume me and if I am honest, I struggle to find one bloke that ticks every box, so having two would be near enough impossible!

I hold my hands up to the odd text flirting in my younger days with guys who have girlfriends, but I would never go as far as meeting them or actually having an affair myself. But back then my view was ‘i’m the single one here so I’m not doing anything wrong.’ which is of course naive and not an acceptable excuse. But to actually break a long term relationship just to get some thrills on the side baffles me; if you are that unhappy then leave, do not have someone adoring you at home when you just want to exit because things have become a little stale.

Kristen and Robert have always maintained a private relationship, but it has exploded in the most public way, and would she really have been as apologetic if she wasn’t in the public eye; we will never know and they are entitled to their privacy during such a horrible time for any couple- famous or not.

When the perfect man saunters into my life, I would never do anything to break that bond, and the thought of someone so close to me losing all respect is possibly the worse thing to happen; that or your folks saying ‘I’m not mad, just disappointed.’

I agree with Wedded Miss; life is short, but your actions do matter, and in the end it all comes down to that one special person. So are they ever really worth losing over a drunken snog or heart racing affair?

One thing’s for sure…. The promo for the next Twilight film will be a tad #awkward

Wedded Miss Says:

Now I’m not a Twilight fan so I don’t understand the whole R-Patz, K-Stew appeal but the news that she had a fling with an older, married man with 2 children is pretty much all over the internet so I couldn’t really miss it now could I?!

Cheating. It’s such a big, complex subject but it is one that everybody has an opinion on. I, like R-Patz himself, have always had quite a black and white view of cheating – that it is wrong and I wouldn’t tolerate it and I didn’t understand people who did it.

This hasn’t changed now I am a married lady but I have become more understanding of the complexity of unfaithfulness.

From my life experience and a very scientific study in this field (otherwise known as dating) I believe that there are 2 categories into which cheaters fall: the first is people who cheat because they can, they are bored, they want to and have no self respect (lets be honest most of us have come across these arrogant b*****ds). Then there are others for whom a relationship has deteriorated in such a serious way they want a connection with someone but for one reason or another cannot leave the relationship, maybe they have children or their partner is ill.

Being married does make the issue of cheating quite poignant as I have always felt it would be a deal breaker for me and my husband, whoever was doing the cheating, but we have always been very open and honest about what we expect and how it might affect us if it did happen. This is obviously private and I wholeheartedly believe that it is the choice of the couple how they deal with their own situation.

However the idea that another woman would cheat with someone who is married, living together or has children sickens me. I think it is incredibly naïve of K-Stew to ‘only just realise he has children’ at this late stage. To me all these choices you make with someone are huge and life changing and for my husband or an outsider to treat that as if it means nothing is the ultimate betrayal and act of disrespect. How can you ever feel the same about the person you married?

Relationships are far from easy but this is not an excuse for infidelity! I refuse to believe that there are not ways to sort relationships out before you throw it away over a bit of lustful sex. People give up and give in too easily but the real happiness in life, marriage, careers, children, friendships, family – they take work and effort and sometimes mean doing things for the benefit of the whole rather than just yourself. Otherwise why bother being with someone? It isn’t a crime to be single, either leave or act like a grown up who has responsibilities.

Despite my strong feelings on this subject I do believe that people have the right to privacy and to do what is right for their relationship/marriage whatever I think would be right for me. But just remember this – love is precious, life is short and the way you treat people matters.

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A Bad Case of The Singles

22 Jul

If I had a penny for every time someone gave me that look when I said I was without a bloke, I would be able to buy 2 and a half Freddo bars. But what exactly is it about those people who are coupled off which makes them look at you like an alien? Here our Miss Independent delves into the depths of deepest singledom to shed some light on this new found disease known as ‘The Singles’

I remember it clear as day, word for word; the time I fled to a sunnier climate with my cousin and had my first encounter of being diagnosed with ‘The Singles.’ My cousin has been with her fella ever since Paris Hilton learnt the art of serial dating, so it was only right that we happened to meet 2 couples when abroad who had also been together longer than time itself. While I was trying to get my sunbathe on, I was constantly surrounded by conversations themed on ‘things that your other half does’ and ‘ohh yes we will probably have a house or bambino by then.’

It wasn’t until I coughed and they realised I was actually still there, that one half of smug couple numero one asked whether I had a boyfriend, to which I replied ‘no not at the moment’, and that caused the sympathetic tilt of the head along with ‘aww don’t worry, you’ll find someone soon.’ Well at 23 years old, I certainly didn’t have images of my growing old with a beard and 20 cats, so worrying was the last thing on my mind after a previous relationship lasting 2 years.

So just how long has this been going on, and is being single really something people should fear in a time where women are choosing careers over caring boyfriends? I believe that having The Singles is something you either embrace or eternally fear; I say enjoy the extra space in your double bed, not having to shave your legs for 6 weeks (yes I do that sometimes, and what?) and just simply taking care of yourself while the right person skips along beside you without you blinking an eye.

I feel that asking someone if they are in a relationship falls under the bracket of ‘things you ask people you have only just met’, along with ‘what do you do for a living?’ and ‘where are you from?’ But I would never tilt my head and go ‘aww’ if someone told me that they were unemployed or worked in a factory putting lids on toothpaste tubes then condesend them by saying ‘don’t worry, you’ll find a job soon!’, so why do people feel the need to cast me out like a lepar when I reveal that I am without a spooning partner and do not receive a regular forking?

If I look back to previous dating experiences, I should have been locked up for crimes against commitment, as I was eternally looking for that Mr Right, when many guys were just Mr Right-now-I-Just-Want-To-See-Your-Boobies. So I am previously guilty of placing my own fear about catching ‘The Singles’, when in theory I was looking in all the wrong places for a so called cure.

I believe people project their fear of being single on to other people, such as myself, and when they are so happily loved up in a relationship they forget what being single was like and relate it to a time where life sucked, and everything wasn’t one big fluffy marshmallow. But my theory as a long term member of the ‘Single Ladies Society’ (holla), is that the most important relationship you will ever have in life is with yourself, and if you are not a member of team you then how can you expect blokes to get off the bench and join in the game?

I can happily scream at the top of my lungs- My name is Miss Independent and I proudly suffer from ‘The Singles’, so to all of you who are wondering how I cope without any man veg to grope or stubble to rub up against, I say “just fine thanks” as I know when the time is right someone will put a ring on it; so for now I have no cause to say ‘Uh Oh Oh.’

 

We’ve made the shortlist for the Cosmopolitan Blog Awards 2012!

16 Jul

O M G…

Hitched & Ditched have only gone and made the shortlist for the best Sex & Relationship Blog in the Cosmo Blog Awards 2012! While Wedded Miss & Miss Independent down a few glasses of something fizzy in celebration, please log on and start voting for us now.

You can vote via the following link: http://www.cosmopolitan.co.uk/blog-awards-2012-vote

Please note you can only vote once using one email address, and you can find us under the sex and relationships category. A massive thank you to everyone who nominated us; there’s plenty more to come!

                                                                                                            Loadsa Love

Miss Independent: Hiding that hangover

10 Jul

 

Rain’s lashing against your window, the duvet is your only friend, and the weekend hangover is still looming as the 6am wake up call alerts you to the horror of Monday morning; welcome to the harsh reality of many party girls, including our very own Miss Independent. But just what weapons are needed from your make up arsenal to go from hungover harlet to morning marvel?  Our Ditched darling reveals all…

After hitting the dance floor harder than Jodie Marsh in the weights section of the gym, and choosing neat Amaretto as my drink of choice, it is no wonder my skin is crying out for some serious hydration, stat. Luckily for me and my arrid face, the fabulous people at Benefit Cosmetics have heard my cries and come to the rescue with their Total Moisture Facial Cream.

Complete with mango butter and natural plant oils, this wonder cream immediately quenches the skin for a long lasting effect; much like that three day hangover I often struggle to shake.

£26.50 at Boots and www.benefitcosmetics.co.uk

With time never on your side when it comes to a Monday morning, applying a full face of make up to hide the weekends sins is never going to happen; it is more likely that I’ll hear back from my ‘one night thang’ than this occuring. So praise be to the gods of Soap & Glory for creating a 2 in 1 primer and foundation, aptly called ‘Show Good Face’, which creates a flawless finish to make that drunken night out a thing of the past; if only erasing the Facebook pictures was as simple…

£11 from www.soapandglory.com

Show Good Face™

 

Being a single girl about town; it’s my eyes that give it all away, so if I hit the pillow at 3am after a night of naughtiness, the whole world will know about it in the wink of a fake lashed eye. For this I like to use a mascara to add natural length and volume, coupled with another Benefit eye potion to cover up any weekend baggage.

DreamWeave mascara has been dubbed the ‘eyelash extension in a tube’ and the change at the bottom of my clutch bag covers the cost, at only £12 for 6ml.

£12 available at www.wrinkleregime.com

 

To cover the sins on display under my eyes, I choose Erase Paste from Benefit, which is dubbed as a brightening camouflage, and targets dark circles, discolouration and imperfections; if only the look of disapproval on my bosses face for lateness was as easy to cover up…

£19.50 House of Fraser

 

Wedded Miss: The Sporting Widow

2 Jul

When making a huge committment to the world about your relationship, you vow to love and honour each other in sickness and in health, but does an obsession with all things sport class as said ailment? Here our Wedded Miss discusses her hubby’s love of all things competitive, and why being a sports widow doesn’t mean a red card for her other half.

My husband loves sport; any sport.  Football is his first love but he will literally watch almost any competitive spectacle.  Cricket, horse racing, dog racing, American football, tennis, athletics, cycling, rugby, even snooker and darts; which aren’t even sports in my eyes, I mean have you seen the physiques on those ‘athletes?’

I know, I know, most men do like a bit of sport now and then, and that’s fine, but this is not a casual hobby; this is a passion, a love of his life to rival my affections, and this year I have well and truly become a sports widow!

 Football season ends and I breathe a sigh of relief, maybe we can go out on a Saturday afternoon together for lunch, a walk, a drink! But no, in our house there is a never ending carousel of sports.  This year it’s the Euros, which saw my hubby off to the Ukraine for 4 days to drink, watch football and be merry!  Then the Tour De France, the cricket all summer and the Olympics, then back to football season; it is literally never ending. 

 I can’t begrudge the love of my life the love of his life, as I have always known him to be a bit of a fan, but at times it does cause some friction in our otherwise blissful marriage. The thing you must understand is that men do not like to be talked to, asked questions of or disturbed in any way, shape or form whilst sport is on.  Not even to give him his homemade dinner or show him your sexy new dress/shoes/underwear.  I do not stand a chance of any sort of attention during a game/race/match, and I have learnt not to take this as a huge personal insult like I used to, but to just accept that his brain cannot compute more than one important thing at a time; sport being the important thing of course…

 Also the thing with sport is, my lovely other half really would prefer to watch it live, in the flesh or with other people who actually give a flying…..!  Consequently this means sport time is not together time.  You know how going to the cinema is not quality talking time, but is together time?  Yeah, sport is not like that.  Well not in our house anyway! 

 But despite my frustrations at being ignored during sporting activities of any kind, I actually love how passionate he is about it all, and  I would much rather be with someone who has a hobby he loves and enjoys even if it does take up a chunk of his precious time.  How boring would life be if we were all the same or we all had the same hobbies? 

 Plus his sports time is my shopping time, so the more hours he spends watching his beloved team shoot balls into nets, or pointy things into boards; the more precious seconds I get to experience my own spending adrenaline rush. Now that’s game, set and match ladies!