Marriage, bed and me – habits of a wedded couple

The Dream

When you are single you dream of cuddles, snuggles and breakfast in bed. Something a little like this…

But let me tell you my reality is very different and this post will explain that. I’m not suggesting this is how all married couples sleep but if you go to bed with snuggles every night I hate you!

The Reality

Nik and I rarely go to bed together – I would say 1 out of the 7 nights in a week we go to bed together.  I love sleep and if I’m tired at 9pm I will go to bed – I will never fight to stay awake. But Nik on the other hand is more than happy to stay up until 3am (on a school night!) playing Fifa!

Is it selfish that I like it this way?

I have a particular bed time routine that I like to stick too, this is not an OCD, no matter what Nik says. Part of this routine includes falling asleep by sunset to the sound of a thunderstorm. Thanks to my Lumie SAD lamp and my favourite app, Rain Rain. I also get to spread out in the star position if I like. It has been known my poor husband has had to had to get out of bed and move to the otherside in the middle of the night. Just last week I woke up to find him sleeping by my feet – top and tail style. What a lucky guy.

I am also a BIG fan of the Sudo cream facemask. If you don’t know what this is please let me explain. A little while ago I read in a magazine that Cheryl (Fernandez-Versini) did this as part of her skincare routine, I tried it once and I was hooked. Basically you get the famous bum cream and smoother your face, go to sleep and let in soak in overnight. This means you go to bed looking like this…

TIP – You don’t need to go this thick – this was just for the purpose of the photo!

I am also a fan of an Elizabeth Arden overnight soak. Do you get the idea my skin care routine is lazy! This is also another sticky, overnight process; meaning late night passions are a big no no here!

So what does going to bed separately mean, if anything?

When we go to bed together it is really not that special, you do not have to have sex at bedtime and I’m usually annoyed that I don’t that have the whole bed to myself. So is our relationship doomed if we don’t have the perfect bedtime routine?

The perfect bedtime routine does not exist. At the beginning of a new relationship you attempt this… but it fails. Need I saw anymore https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbrG0VIFcD8

Sleep impacts your mood and wellbeing right, so why sacrifice it! Some couples sleep in separate rooms and if that’s what works for you fine, I don’t think it means your relationship is doomed.

The Dark Side of Love…

Here at Hitched & Ditched we like to look at the lighter side of love, or make light of the idiotic stuff that some men do. We love a good pun and witty comment too, but sometimes it’s important to take a look at issues that bring out strong emotions. Today we read that popstar Katy Perry considered taking her own life after divorcing Russell Brand and it touched something in us…

Most women in their lifetime will encounter love – whether that’s with friends, family or falling head over heels for ten Mr wrongs, until one day you wear the right pair of heels and stay up for Mr Right. The L-drug is stronger than Hitched’s morning coffee, and can make you do, say and feel crazy and intense things; which is why it’s no surprise that should your relationship sail off course, feelings of deep sorrow, loneliness and a crisis of self confidence can leave you floundering.

Katy & Russell experienced a whirlwind romance- something our Ditched has always dreamed off, and with these roller coaster hook ups come extreme highs and truly devastating lows. As with any break up, especially when a marriage is involved, you are left questioning everything about life and what’s next for you; and while celebrity may offer disposable income to buy new cars, clothes and arm candy, it doesn’t mean the pain of someone rejecting you is any easier.

I asked myself- “Do I want to endure? Should I continue living?

Ditched says:
“My hardest break up came from a really short romance, and actually hurt more than my previous 2 year relationship- he excited me from the get go and the build up to us getting together was just the right balance of causal teasing and actual feelings. His texts excited me, the idea of seeing him for an evening of X Factor and our own X rated action thrilled me- I was slowly falling but he just wasn’t ready for the laughs and laid back evenings to become anything more than that, so he ended it by text message as I was on my way to meet my brother for lunch- what followed was me sobbing in the loos of Revolution like a child who couldn’t breathe after a tantrum.”

“I felt alone- I’d wake up and for the tiniest piece of a split second I felt normal, then my brain had its shot of espresso and informed my stomach to flip and my tear ducts to fill up again. Looking in the mirror I felt grim, pale and like my mojo had gone- and all because of a somewhat lanky man with questionable dress sense. Although I felt alone and had my bad days, I never questioned my place on this earth, so for Katy to have these thoughts running through her mind must have meant she was pretty much a broken woman.”

Depression and anxiety are two things very close to Hitched & Ditched’s heart, and something as traumatic as a big break up can bring out feelings, thoughts and emotions that you never knew existed. But if you do find yourself at a very low ebb; one where ice cream and your favourite film just won’t do, then it’s very important- no VITAL, that you talk to someone about just how much it is effecting you- if you struggle with this then writing it down may also be a huge help too.

We at Hitched & Ditched are very happy that Katy has Roared back to her best and cannot wait to hear more from the California Gurl.

F*ck (off) buddy

“Here’s a question. Why do girls feel the need to make it anymore than just sex? Each and every girl makes out that they’re “not that type of girl” but what does that even mean?!”

What does it even mean eh? I mean if we don’t know what it means then how can he possibly know the meaning?

The above quotion (quote/question) comes from a bloke who has outright asked me if I fancy being somewhat of a horizontal jogging partner; I’ve told him the only exercise I do is my morning sit up, aka getting out of bed, and that I’m not the type of girl who can have sexual fun times without A. Feeling cheap B. feeling awkward or C. Feeling like I should be feeling something more than the earth (possibly) moving.

I get where he is coming from, and I know exactly where he’d like to be cumin’ into, but I’m not worried about falling head over knickers for this guy; it’s more a case of I have to feel pretty comfortable with someone before I can peel off my Primark finest and roll around the bed like I’m Miley Cyrus on Sambuca. But he seems to think that one passionate moment and possible orgasm means my swoon switch will be well and truly flicked, and I’ll be Instagramming the shit out of him as he falls into a post ejaculate coma.

In the words of Simon Cowell, it’s a no from me, as it takes way more than a flash of his pork sword and the latest moves he learnt in FHM to make me even remotely think about him taking on all of my baggage (we’re talking a few carry on cases, but still…)

I’ll be 29 soon, and in the past I’ve certainly been guilty of ‘falling’ for people I have slept with, but looking back I just wanted to be loved and feel wanted; am I scared of that feeling happening again if I choose to start a saucy fling with this guy? No, as I’ve finally reached a place where I can feel comfortable enough to say I choose self respect over a secret hook up.

I want fireworks, I want love, I want the whole party popper experience- the more time I waste on people who just fancy a roll around with no consequences, the wrong message I’ll be sending out to the universe. (Yes I’m one of those people…)

As for ‘not being that type of girl’, well that’s something all girls find themselves saying to a guy, as who the hell wants to be known as an easy lover? But there’s nothing wrong with being sexually confident and saying that you just want to get your leg over too- as let’s face it sometimes that’s all we want! But men seem to feel comfy uttering those words; a little too comfy, as society seems to paint them as the uncommitted species.

If you want sex with no relationship- go for it. If you want a relationship based on friendship and sex- then go for that too. There is no right or wrong when it comes to how you get your kicks, just as long as you are happy in the process.

Final few hours to vote for us in the Cosmo Blog Awards 2013!

Hello lovely readers and thanks again for casting your peepers on our blog- we do love you! But we would love you even more if you cast that all important vote to help make us the BEST sex and relationship blog 2013 in the Cosmopolitan Blog Awards

Voting closes TONIGHT and this really does mean everything to us! We want to be bigger and better, and turn our love of blogging into a full time career! And hey, even Beyonce has our backs…Vote HERE!Thank you millions! .

Diary of a weak woman

Addiction: The fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing or activity

Rolos from the fridge , wearing high heels at work, buying the same dress in ten different colours, The OC and letting go of men who treat my emotions like a piss sodden urinal; Ditched has many addictions, however the last one isn’t that fun to live with…

Last week I was curling my lions mane when my clumsy hand slipped, resulting in four swear words and one hell of a burnt finger. After a few fridge Rolos (seriously you have to try them-forget YOLO, it’s all about the Rolo) I continued my curling mission, while fully aware that a burnt finger, ear or face could be heading my way. This renegade attitude to life, and purely living on the edge is fine in some instances, but not when it comes to keeping guys in my life who leave my self esteem flatter than my Justin Bieber-esque chest.

I love male attention. Not in a stripper- hey baby let me shake my thang kind of way, but being around guys and having a nice laugh gives me a boost that being with my girls just doesn’t create. I also l.o.v.e to see the good in people, even if those people have lied to me, hurt me and acted like a total cock sap. But why oh why OH WHY do I do it to myself, and why do many other amazing women?

Recently a dude I really liked asked me out and made my heart all of a flutter, only to drop the G-bomb; that being he had a girlfriend all along. So what did I do? Yes I went mental and called him a quiff ponce, but after the anger had died down I STILL wanted his attention and even to this day part of me still does. I’ve tried flirting with other men: fail, and even joined a dating site: an even bigger fail.

The same formula could be applied to my previous relationship, with him ending it by text and that being like some sort of catnip to me: one things for sure, I’m definitely a pussy when it comes to telling bad men to do one. Maybe it stems from wanting to change someone: some women want to be the one who changes a man for the better- imagine Harry Styles settling down with you and giving up his cougar ways and you’re half way there.

But just how do I curb my bad addiction? Do I stay away from men until my own self worth is higher? Do I try dating a lady to see what all the fuss is about? Or do I just ignore my urges to contact men who have wronged me and hope it fizzles out like a cheap firework display?

Answers on a postcard PLEASE!

It’s over to you…

Hitched and Ditched love writing about things from a married and single perspective; from make up to break ups, single life to settling down, we cannot get enough of it. But what do YOU want to see more of?

We want to know what you like reading about, and the things that keep you coming back for more; after all we do this for our readers and want to see them coming back each time.

Please comment below or email kelly@hitchedandditched.co.uk with any input that you may have.

ALSO: A massive thank you to those who have already nominated us in the Cosmopolitan Blog Awards 2012. Nominations close on the 30th June, and you can vote for us as many times as possible. It would be a dream come true for us to be short listed, so please vote by clicking here.

 

Happy reading and voting guys! New content coming very soon!

Thanks