Has 50 Shades of Grey changed our sex lives?

Has the most talked about book and film in years really changed the way we talk about sex and upped the ante in the bedroom stakes? Hitched & Ditched give their opinion



Hitched says…

I have to admit I’m a little behind the times on the 50 Shades phenomenon, back in 2011 when the first of three books was published you couldn’t go a day without hearing about Mr Grey (and feels like we haven’t since!). The EL James novel smashed records and become the fastest selling book in history! It was everywhere. But I love reading and the reviews that slated the writing put me off, so I just carried on living my life. 

Then the film rights were secured, the cast announced and I felt a little behind the times. At the end of last year (2014) I read the first book. And what did I think? It was ok… yes the writing was a little wishy washy, but I’m a sucker for a love story. 

Did it change my life? No. 

The Film 

Six days after the UK release I went to watch the film with a group of 17 female colleagues. We were a mixed aged group, with mixed reviews of the film. I found the film to be pretty much the same as the book. It was a little cringe worthy with the lip biting scenes especially bad. 

Yes you got the usual book to film comments –with missed scenes and the characters not as you expected, but whilst reading your imagination creates the scenes and characters into your own personal movie. Your imagination uses your experiences and fantasises creating your own adaptation – it was always going to be hard for this hard to live up to your imagination. 

Some of the more negative reviews complained the movie was ‘tame’. But what did people expect? It is still a film – not a porno. When reading your imagination goes into overtime and what you read and felt could never be shown by Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan.

Many of my fellow film watchers rated the ending of the film pretty poor (don’t worry if you’re reading this and more behind the times than me, I promise I won’t ruin anything) but I thought the film ending was the perfect duff duff cliff-hanger. 

But I now have to see the sequel and am even considering reading the second and third book. For me it’s not about the sex scenes or even really about the love story – I just need to find out how the bloody story ends! 

Relationship Improvements

Ok I’ll admit 50 Shades of Grey didn’t rock my world – but the book has dramatically changed the relationships and the way we talk about sex.

These books have been known to save relationships – I mean that is pretty incredible. For some couples the books have turned into training manuals, acting out scenes in the bedroom have encourage them to fall back in love and lust. If reading these books get couples taking about what they want and shows the date nights don’t have to be boring that’s a good thing in my book (see what I did there!)

And 50 Shades has brought us more than improved sex lives – you can wash your clothes just like Mr Grey using 50 Shades of Surf, drink cocktails in Chiquitos and drink 50 Shades of wine… well they do say sex sells!  

Sam xxx



Ditched says….

As good old Ri-Ri once sang “sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me” so why is everyone getting their nipple clamps in a twist and jumping on the 50 Shades of Grey band wagon? (Uh oh, I fall in to that bracket with this blog post #guilty) 

It’s been a month since the film was released and gaggles of women flocked to the cinema with their gal pals to see if the most talked about erotic fiction book of recent times actually hit the spot. Now I have a small confession to make; even though I am quite a flirtatious and sexual being, I have not read a single page of the 50 Shades book and therefore haven’t gotten all frothy at the thought of the film.

I remember when the book was first released, but I just didn’t want to be one of those women clutching it like a copy of Cosmo and wanting people to give me attention; OHHHHHHHH look at her, bet her sex life is filthy if she reads that!  Nah, you’re alright love… I’ll stick to reading The Secret and trying to sort my life out with positive quotes about karma and the law of attraction.

Even though I haven’t read the book or seen the film, I am fully aware of what happens and some of the more graphic sexual encounters (or extra rude bits as mother would say) funnily enough my own mother has given me the three 50 Shades offerings, either because she’s worn them out or she senses it’s been a while and I need to get some excitement in my life…

So has 50 Shades changed the way we get it on and has it opened our minds as much as our legs? I’m unsure, I mean you’re either in to a bit of bondage or you’re not; I highly doubt flicking through a few pages of badly written erotica (lots of people have said it’s piss poor…) is going to have you flicking your bean over trying it for yourself.

Although I can imagine that some couples may try it out with pure comedic effect; you know those couples who have probably been together about 2 years, do the weekly shop at the exact same time each week, barely speak over dinner and are probably only together to save on rent… They may hot foot it to the local Cineworld and before you know it one of them is chained to a radiator being spanked with a copy of the Radio Times…

I’ve often thought about writing my own erotic fiction, but I think it would have more of a realistic element, probably featuring things that actually happen during sex, such as fanny farts, his piece popping out half way through, and what to do if he does an American Pie and gets excited way too soon.

I think that sex can be as fun or as routine as you want it to be, and we are all too easily swayed by what other people are doing. Do you really think that couple from work tie each other up with silk scarves every evening and have amazing orgasms at exactly the same time? Come on; or should that be cum on. Be as adventurous or as safe as you like, but you don’t have to rely on on a hyped up book or film to give your bedroom antics a boost.  

Kelly xxx



What women think when he doesn’t text back…

Maybe he has no signal. Perhaps he got drunk and his phone fell in the toilet. Isn’t the football on today (frantically checks listings and forgets which damn team he supports) Step inside the mind of a female who isn’t getting her textual fix…

I’m a massive texter. Not a day goes by where I’m not bantering someone with silly movie quotes, or super hilarious memes created by yours truly. And if my mate doesn’t reply for a few hours or even days I don’t really bat an eyelid, yet if I’ve pressed send to a member of the opposite sex I am engaging in flirtations with, and he doesn’t reply for a few hours then woah.momma… my inner insecure princess comes out, mixed with a little bit of she-hulk. (Imagine having PMS and a little puff of a crack pipe; you’re pretty much there…)

So, while he might be out with his mates, taking a shit, doing his weekly shop or simply busy being a lad, us females tend to jump aboard the crazy train stopping at Overthinking Parkway, Stalker Central, and ‘Fuck this I’m out’ Street. Basically we get our ovaries in a twist thinking it’s all about us, simply because someone hasn’t used their fingers and typed a message back to us… Here are some of those epic stages women go.

“That date we had last night was awesome, I’ll drop him a witty line to let him know…”

Hey Mr,
Thanks for an awesome time last night.
If you’re lucky I’ll let you take me out again…;)

Like that first bite of a Krispy Kreme, the rush of excitement whizzes round at what you’ve just sent, and you get a giddy sugar-esque rush at the thought of his cheeky smile reading it, and could almost piss yourself waiting to see his response.

1 hour later
It’s a slow day. Pay day is a week away, you have limited funds, limited friend time and you’ve exhausted every decent season on Netflix, so waiting for the beep beep of your telecommunications device is pretty much like being in your own little drama. But an hours passed and there’s no reply; surely he can’t have forgotten about the date already? I mean you wore your best eyeliner for him and even had your eyebrows threaded. Ok,ok, calm down, it’s a Saturday and you did drink a fair amount last night… Give it a few more hours and I’m sure he’ll send a cute reply. Now… It’s been a while since I rearranged my nail polish collection so let’s crack on…

6 hours later
Your phone beeps and you dive across the bedroom like a Lauren Goodger at a selfie convention. Oh for fucks sake, it’s Dominos pizza with a special offer for one – just piss off will you!?
You launch your phone then shamefully pick it up and look at when you text him, then look through previous messages to see what the vibe was like, then you analyse last nights date and remember that some bits were blurry and you may have mentioned an ex. Oh balls, is that why he hasn’t text? Did the eyeliner remind him of a panda? Actually did he even get home ok last night?
*puts phone in the cupboard and watches Take me out instead*

Muuuuuch later that evening
Ok this is an absolute piss take, he clearly doesn’t have read alerts on as he doesn’t want you to know he has read your stupid message; he’s probably laying on his sofa swiping through Tinder and arranging dates. That’s it, you’ve decided you’re gonna text again and say it’s pointless continuing. This just reminds you why you remain single, all men are the same; well apart from Max Branning and Channing Tatum. Channing would never do this to you, no! He’d date you, dance for you and even grind on top a little bit.
So you message your best mate to have a rant and try to gain a teeny tiny piece of perspective, which just results in you both analysing each move and message and reminiscing on guys who have done this before.

“That’s it! I’m not going to reply even if he does message me. Yeah we had a good time but who does he think he is? I’m done. I’m done. I’m done….he just can’t do thi…”

Beep beep

“Hey lady,
Sorry I’ve been out all day and haven’t stopped.
Had a wicked time 😉 you free this week?”

“Oh ok wait! He’s finally text me back! Panic over. Forget everything I said. So… What should I wear?”

So there you have it; the life cycle of a girl who is waiting for that text. It’s probably happening to millions of women right now and I’ve had it happen countless times to me, but now I’m much better at reading the signs and also kicking off if I need to.

Let us know your stories by tweeting us @hitchednditched

Single on Valentine’s Day – how to be your very own one and only

There’s something in the air around this time of year which leaves couples upping their asshole-ness and going all ‘pooki-wooki, oh I wuv you snuggle bear” right up in my grill. Now I’m all for a bit of romance, but for a single gal like myself the big V Day can be a slightly depressing affair; imagine Christmas with no Top of the Pops and you’re pretty much there. But this year I refuse to mope or throw darts at pictures of my douche bag exes, hell NO! This year I am going to treat myself like the queen bee that I am, and do everything that a man would do for me on Valentine’s Day, and yes – I mean everything….

Morning: breakfast in bed
When you are with someone you are forced to share pretty much everything; the same bed, the duvet (don’t even get me started…), a group of friends and more annoyingly: FOOD. I’ll leave my good Friend to say…

So this Valentine’s Day I’ll be making some lovely poached eggs, salmon and toast, complete with an amazing Nespresso coffee, and I’ll have to share it with no mother fucker. They’ll be crumbs everywhere and maybe some yolk on my pillow case for when I get home. blissful…

Drives you to work
Aww, ain’t it fab when the man acts like Lewis Hamilton and drives you to work; what a gent he is, what a swell guy. Actually no, because he drives like an ass, gets angry at people on the curb who are just living life, and listens to terrible music for the whole commute. Give me my sweet ass Ford KA, my Ministry of Sound playlist and the ability to shield myself from any potential male road rage. Plus, I just flutter my eyelashes and pull a sad face so that people let me out of side roads; being with your man would make that a huge FAIL. The only reason I would want to take a ride with a guy is if it ended something like this….

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Mid afternoon: the arrival of flowers or 5 foot bears
A few girls in my office have received flowers, and I’m not going to bullshit here as it does make me feel slightly jealous; ok mega jealous and sometimes I want to bash them over the head in a rage (sorry ladies, love you really!) so why not do a good deed and send some to one of your best friends, especially if they are single. As Valentine’s Day doesn’t just have to focus around the person you give your love hormone to.

Evening: The romantic meal
Single On Valentine’s Day; sounds like a slasher movie doesn’t it? And it conjures up such negative images of women crying, eating Ben and Jerry’s, then going and crying in the shower fully clothed. So as millions of couples light the candles and tuck into a lovely meal, why shouldn’t you do the same with your girlfriends? See it as a day to celebrate love, friendship and being a group of hot bitches.

The no pants dance/ horizontal jogging/ getting your leg over
For me the most frustrating thing about being single on Valentine’s Day is the sex, as it’s a time to let loose and make time for some fifty shades kind of action. This is pretty hard to do when you are flying solo, but not impossible, and indulging in some lady loving could be the perfect end to your solo V-Day. I was recently sent some ‘sensual pleasure gels’ from the lovely folk at Durex, which feature two stimulating lubes that ‘cum’ together for an amazing reaction. Now, I have yet to try them with a man (form an orderly queue gents) but the mixture of the warm gel and the tingly one does leave you feeling more than satisfied, plus if you are getting jiggy with yourself then it’s guaranteed to end in fireworks as you are in total control all. night. long…

Durex are holding a special launch event to celebrate: Simply visit the South Bank on Thursday, February 13, to witness ‘The Embrace’ – an incredible light and dance spectacular brought to you by Durex Embrace.
Tweet #DurexEmbrace for the opportunity to see your Valentine message displayed for the world to see. Come down between 6pm and 8:30pm and also get the chance to WIN:

o 3 x luxury weekend breaks
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o 6 x Sets of designer underwear
o Plus lots of fun freebies

Not hooked: Ditched’s Plenty of Fish experience

In November 2013 Ditched took the plunge and went on her very first internet date after years of claiming she never would. Here she reveals what really went down and why she won’t be taking the bait again any time soon…

For me, the most exciting part of a relationship is the beginning; where it’s the just the right amount of awkward and you both hold back until you either run away or actually make a go of it. A huge part of this experience is the initial meeting – or as I like to call it ‘the conversation starter’, where you actually reveal to the outside world how you both met.

Perhaps I’ve seen one too many Hugh Grant romps, but I’m a sucker for a random encounter – whether that be at an outdoor party in Ibiza, or meeting someone so annoying you want to pass out just to escape, only to be in bed with them a few weeks later and watching back to back episodes of Take Me Out #loveu4eva

So if you take that randomness and face to face meeting away, and replace it with a screen, deceiving pictures and instant messaging, it just isn’t going to feel the same. So, why did I even sign up to a dating site……

I’ve been single for roughly three years now, with the odd fumble, snog and romantic flurry thrown in the mix. Being 29 I don’t go out raving like I used to, plus it’s a known fact that most people don’t meet potential relationships in a booze fuelled environment, so I thought I would get talking to a few fellas and see if there are decent men in the world of virtual dating.

I first signed up in 2012 and arranged to meet a fireman from Birmingham, but I lost my lady balls and understandably he lost interest. But during my textual time with him I did get that little buzz of excitement when he got in touch, so he could have been the one but I was too chicken shit to find out. After that I closed my account and didn’t create a new one until November 2013, as again I had a few near misses with blokes and missed that little bit of attention.

The site I joined was Plenty of Fish, which isn’t the greatest for meeting someone as it’s a free site and you can create a profile in a matter of seconds. I had a fair few men contact me, but many couldn’t hold my interest for more than a few messages back and fourth. Then a few weeks down the line a guy contacted me and the banter was flowing; he seemed different and was 37 so I wasn’t worried about him being a complete immature tool. He asked if I wanted to meet for a drink one evening after work, which made my palms sweaty and my heart sink into my ass- could I really do this? Was I willing to go against everything I believed in and try something new? I said yes, but in the back of my mind I had a sneaky suspicion I was going to cancel that day…

Date day came around and I was nervous as hell; every hour that ticked by at work had me feeling more and more anxious. I had so much going on in my mind; what if he smells? What if he isn’t funny? What if he looks nothing like he does in his pictures? As my working day came to an end, I went to the toilet to get changed and had a huge wave of panic come over me “Oh shit, this is actually happening!! But I managed to calm myself down, glam myself up and steady my nerves for the drive into town.

A huge traffic jam awaited as I pulled out of the car park, and I almost used this as an excuse to bail, but he was willing to wait for me in the bar we had arranged to meet at. FUCK, no turning back now (literally).

I walked nervously and slowly to the bar, and there he was waiting for me. I almost collapsed in his arms as the relief washed over me; come on Kelly, he is just another human, with a beating heart, stubbly face and dangly bits between his legs, what’s the worst that could happen? We got a drink and sat down chatting; did I fancy him? I really couldn’t make up mind! One minute I thought I did, then the next he would say something or laugh a certain way and I found it off putting!

Things were going reasonably well so we headed across the road to another bar, but this is where things went a little down hill….

Throughout the evening he kept doing funny voices and impressions, which was pretty cool for about 15 minutes, but he obviously thought this was working so carried on. But I felt like I was on a date with a cartoon character or The Mask after a while! And I’m all for a bit of Jim Carrey, but threes certainly a time and a place. Then the conversation took a serious turn and he went in to Dad mode by giving me a small lecture; I know you’re 37 dude but back the fuck off!

It all started as we were chatting about exes (first date fail) and I happened to mention that I once dated a barrister and that we were so mismatched that it was never going to go anywhere (erm hello, me skiing? Do one!) so I jokingly said “if you were a posh boy I would have ran a mile!” And clearly I hit some sort of nerve, as he went off on one about how I shouldn’t judge someone as it’s not fair….. O…….K….

So after that lead balloon had gone down, I just wanted to get the hell out of there, but he wanted to take me for some food and didn’t understand why I wanted to get home. He finally took no for an answer and walked me to my car, and we had a small and awkward embrace before I kicked off my heels, slid on some flats and drove home feeling not much at all.

I sent him a little text to say I had gotten home ok, and he asked if I wanted to meet up again as he said he had a great time. “oh balls, what the f do I do now? I need to be honest! How long do I wait to text?! Argh! This is why I don’t date!”

I waited 10 minutes and quickly typed my response…

I had a nice time but I’m going to be honest, I don’t see this going anywhere as that spark just wasn’t there for me. You’re a nice guy but I don’t want to waste anyone’s time here.

Ok but I really don’t see how you can feel that way after one date. Was it the voices I did, or was it our little debate? That was just banter! Come on, let me take you for dinner at the weekend and I’m sure you will feel differently

I know how I feel and I know what I want, sorry. And yes the voices were a bit too much, and I felt like you had a go at me also. Let’s just leave it and see it as a nice night, you did say there was no pressure here for me to see you again, that’s the whole point of dating.

ok well I hope you find what you are looking for. I don’t understand women sometimes, a guy can try and be nice and they still want a bad boy! Guess it comes down to if you fancy me or not doesn’t it.

Look, I’ve had a nice evening and I’ve been honest with you. I’m not gonna go for dinner with you and waste your time. You’re making me feel bad for no reason, yeah fancying someone does matter but it’s not all about that. And as for bad boys, I’m after a spark, not someone to treat me like dirt.

ok, hope you find what you are looking for. I’m here if you change your mind

thanks but I won’t. Enjoy your weekend

FFS! talk about keen bean! The guy made me feel like I had jilted him at the alter! And yes he was an ok guy, and not a complete munter, but I really disagree about a spark forming further down the line- for me there needs to be that initial something there otherwise it’s pointless; which is why meeting someone in real life, and not behind a screen is the way forward for me in the future.

I’ve recently been dabbling a little on Tinder, and suggested meeting up with someone who seemed pretty amazing, but when we mentioned it he said he didn’t really know what he was looking for…. logs off dating sites and heads out into the real world

Will I find that encounter I am looking for? Watch this space!

The Dark Side of Love…

Here at Hitched & Ditched we like to look at the lighter side of love, or make light of the idiotic stuff that some men do. We love a good pun and witty comment too, but sometimes it’s important to take a look at issues that bring out strong emotions. Today we read that popstar Katy Perry considered taking her own life after divorcing Russell Brand and it touched something in us…

Most women in their lifetime will encounter love – whether that’s with friends, family or falling head over heels for ten Mr wrongs, until one day you wear the right pair of heels and stay up for Mr Right. The L-drug is stronger than Hitched’s morning coffee, and can make you do, say and feel crazy and intense things; which is why it’s no surprise that should your relationship sail off course, feelings of deep sorrow, loneliness and a crisis of self confidence can leave you floundering.

Katy & Russell experienced a whirlwind romance- something our Ditched has always dreamed off, and with these roller coaster hook ups come extreme highs and truly devastating lows. As with any break up, especially when a marriage is involved, you are left questioning everything about life and what’s next for you; and while celebrity may offer disposable income to buy new cars, clothes and arm candy, it doesn’t mean the pain of someone rejecting you is any easier.

I asked myself- “Do I want to endure? Should I continue living?

Ditched says:
“My hardest break up came from a really short romance, and actually hurt more than my previous 2 year relationship- he excited me from the get go and the build up to us getting together was just the right balance of causal teasing and actual feelings. His texts excited me, the idea of seeing him for an evening of X Factor and our own X rated action thrilled me- I was slowly falling but he just wasn’t ready for the laughs and laid back evenings to become anything more than that, so he ended it by text message as I was on my way to meet my brother for lunch- what followed was me sobbing in the loos of Revolution like a child who couldn’t breathe after a tantrum.”

“I felt alone- I’d wake up and for the tiniest piece of a split second I felt normal, then my brain had its shot of espresso and informed my stomach to flip and my tear ducts to fill up again. Looking in the mirror I felt grim, pale and like my mojo had gone- and all because of a somewhat lanky man with questionable dress sense. Although I felt alone and had my bad days, I never questioned my place on this earth, so for Katy to have these thoughts running through her mind must have meant she was pretty much a broken woman.”

Depression and anxiety are two things very close to Hitched & Ditched’s heart, and something as traumatic as a big break up can bring out feelings, thoughts and emotions that you never knew existed. But if you do find yourself at a very low ebb; one where ice cream and your favourite film just won’t do, then it’s very important- no VITAL, that you talk to someone about just how much it is effecting you- if you struggle with this then writing it down may also be a huge help too.

We at Hitched & Ditched are very happy that Katy has Roared back to her best and cannot wait to hear more from the California Gurl.

F*ck (off) buddy

“Here’s a question. Why do girls feel the need to make it anymore than just sex? Each and every girl makes out that they’re “not that type of girl” but what does that even mean?!”

What does it even mean eh? I mean if we don’t know what it means then how can he possibly know the meaning?

The above quotion (quote/question) comes from a bloke who has outright asked me if I fancy being somewhat of a horizontal jogging partner; I’ve told him the only exercise I do is my morning sit up, aka getting out of bed, and that I’m not the type of girl who can have sexual fun times without A. Feeling cheap B. feeling awkward or C. Feeling like I should be feeling something more than the earth (possibly) moving.

I get where he is coming from, and I know exactly where he’d like to be cumin’ into, but I’m not worried about falling head over knickers for this guy; it’s more a case of I have to feel pretty comfortable with someone before I can peel off my Primark finest and roll around the bed like I’m Miley Cyrus on Sambuca. But he seems to think that one passionate moment and possible orgasm means my swoon switch will be well and truly flicked, and I’ll be Instagramming the shit out of him as he falls into a post ejaculate coma.

In the words of Simon Cowell, it’s a no from me, as it takes way more than a flash of his pork sword and the latest moves he learnt in FHM to make me even remotely think about him taking on all of my baggage (we’re talking a few carry on cases, but still…)

I’ll be 29 soon, and in the past I’ve certainly been guilty of ‘falling’ for people I have slept with, but looking back I just wanted to be loved and feel wanted; am I scared of that feeling happening again if I choose to start a saucy fling with this guy? No, as I’ve finally reached a place where I can feel comfortable enough to say I choose self respect over a secret hook up.

I want fireworks, I want love, I want the whole party popper experience- the more time I waste on people who just fancy a roll around with no consequences, the wrong message I’ll be sending out to the universe. (Yes I’m one of those people…)

As for ‘not being that type of girl’, well that’s something all girls find themselves saying to a guy, as who the hell wants to be known as an easy lover? But there’s nothing wrong with being sexually confident and saying that you just want to get your leg over too- as let’s face it sometimes that’s all we want! But men seem to feel comfy uttering those words; a little too comfy, as society seems to paint them as the uncommitted species.

If you want sex with no relationship- go for it. If you want a relationship based on friendship and sex- then go for that too. There is no right or wrong when it comes to how you get your kicks, just as long as you are happy in the process.

Five ways to get over that douche

Recently Ditched was let down again by a man, which left her feeling insecure, hurt and rejected, and had Hitched running out of love advice. We have had enough of pretty, strong and amazing women being made to feel like dirt just because guys can only think with their dangly bits. So girls, take these five Fab tips and trust us when we say you CAN get over that weasel.

1. Do a Ross Geller
No, not sleep with someone else during a break, but make a list of his pros and cons. Sure he may have that cheeky glint in his eye, a pretty awesome sense of humour and look orgasmic in a fitted t-shirt, but don’t let your sexual desire drive your want for him. Think about his morals, the nice things he does for others and his general attitude towards life- having a big schlong and calling you ‘babe’ doesn’t make him a boy you can bring home to Momma.

2.Listen to your gut
We’ve all been there; enjoying a delish meal when the dance of diarrhoea begins its matinee performance in your gut. Now, do you sprint to the loo or ride it out and end up in the shit (literally). Take this disgusting advice and apply it to him- deep down you know he is a wrong un’, so cut your losses and avoid a hot damn mess.

3. Don’t waste the pretty
If a bellend let’s you down its very tempting to get dolled up and hit the town to attract another. But instead of roaming your local bars, bus stops and Burger King looking for Tom, Dick and Harry, why not save your heels and snuggle up on the sofa with Ben & Jerry instead. They’ll be plenty of chances to shake it like a Polaroid picture and meet your future Fosling (fake Gosling), when you are back to your best.

4. See who he follows
We don’t mean deer stalking the sad sap, but more like logging on to Twitter and seeing who he virtually has love for. If ‘We adore boobs’ or ‘smokin hot babes’ is on that list then you have escaped a grade A perve, and you can thank your lucky stars that he didn’t snap you and tweet in a picture of your amazing lady cannons.

5. Do the maths
You and him don’t add up, but what’s vital to remember is he is one OF a million, not one IN a million. Chances are you’ll cry, be hurt and feel rejected by another man in your life, but knowing that its all simply a law of averages means you can throw that calculator away and subtract another tool from your fabulous life.

Go get em gorgeous!

Ditched’s Official Relationship Top 3

You’re listening to Singleton FM- Where being lonely is always top of our playlist. Today we are joined by dumpsville’s NO1 resident and hopeless romantic- Ditched aka Miss Independent. 

Like many women, she searches for a deeper meaning in song lyrics (the past month has been dedicated to Robin Thicke and his damn Blurred Lines…) and here she runs through her top three tracks which symbolise the relationship she is yet to find…

 

KATY PERRY- TEENAGE DREAM “you think i’m pretty, without any make up on”

This brings back memories of my first love- all butterflies, tongue sandwiches, and talks of ‘we are NEVER breaking up’ IDST. Plus, isn’t it every girls life long dream to be attractive to a bloke, without half  a Benefit counter on her face? This tune reflects the carefree and passionate relationship that I am yet to experience…

 

KINGS OF LEON- SEX ON FIRE “hot as a fever, rattling bones, I could just taste it, taste it”

Woah momma, someone crack open a window as it’s getting hot in herrrrre! The pure animal lust and attraction featured in this song symbolises the deep and intense S.E.X (ohhh naughty) that I need to keep a relationship alive. (Nelly Furtado’s ‘Maneater’ was a close second in my song choice…)

 

P!NK- TRUE LOVE “At the same time, I wanna hug you, I wanna wrap my hands around your neck, you’re an asshole, but I love you”

They say there’s a fine line between love and hate, and P!nk is a woman after my own romantic heart. But I truly believe that realising that your Mr Perfect is actually a Mr ‘sometimes a dick’ is the best thing for any relationship. Fuck the fairytale and roll with life’s punches- after all, changing the frequency on your relationship station can be a fabulous thing.

 

Don’t forget to vote for us in the Cosmo Blog Awards 2013 as the best sex & relationship blog!

We’ve made the Cosmo Blog Awards shortlist 2013!

That’s right fabulous readers, we have been chosen as one of 7 blogs in the sex & relationship category! This year we really want to WIN! But need your help to do so….

Simply click the icon at the bottom of the page and find us in the sex & relationship section!

You can only vote once using the same email address, and the winner will be chosen by 50% voting and 50% judging panel! Voting closes 30th August!

We had a blast at last years awards, and hopefully 2013 will see us walk away with the title of best sex and relationship blog 2013!

Textual Un-healing: ‘UR DMPD’

Katy Perry has a body most women can only dream of and a vibrant attitude to life we all wish would greet us on a Monday morning. And many men would enjoy having a play with her whipped cream cans, so it’s pretty refreshing to know that the California Gurl shares something pretty close to our Ditched’s less-than-double-D chest:being dumped by text. Totally not LOL…

My ex was a douche. So him pulling the plug on our short but sweet dalliance via the medium of text shouldn’t have surprised me really, but boy oh boy OH BOY was I wrong. I’m a savvy young woman, so I knew things were less than blissful, but just like the first tinglings of thrush, I chose to ignore it until it got horrific.

But rather than shoving a pessery up my soon-to-be ex fellas nose, I carried on my merry little dance of denial until he crashed my inbox with heartbreak and deleted himself out of my contacts.

Katy Perry admitted recently that Russell Brand asked for a divorce in a text message (ok KT yours is ten times worse than mine) but does this highlight how the digital age has given guys an even easier get out route. It wasn’t so long ago that we all had to make the move to digital TV’s; have men received a similar nudge in terms of textual dumping?

Breaking up will always be a bitch, but you would kick up a fuss if the same un-courtesy was shown when finding out you didn’t get the job, or that you actually did have that icky STD ( ok ok you can find out about your sexual health via text…. Not that I’d know…ahem)
The whole thing just screams ‘I can’t be bothered’ or ‘it will be far too awkward for me in person’

Great: not only do I have raging PMS, period pains that resemble labour, a rib that dislocates randomly and an acute addition to wearing lipgloss, but now I have to worry about a relationship ending via the beepity beep beep of my mobile telephone.

For months I kept that little text message and gave the guys from CSI New York a run for their money, as I tried to piece together just why it happened; the answer- he was an emotional simpleton who got bored pretty easily. But what should you do if it ever happens to you?

1. Do NOT reply: no matter how tempting, if he has shown you a lack of respect than don’t bother to waste your text allowance on that jerk, plus it will drive him mad!
2. Delete his digits: and that text, if he’s moving on then so should you.
3. Ask yourself ‘what would Katy do?: write a kick ass tune, rock a blue hair do and be insanely positive.

Lts of Luv Ditched